


A Sailor's Love

by LaueeeCarter



Category: Titanic (1997)
Genre: Abuse, Explicit Language, F/M, Sexual Content, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-26
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-22 17:37:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 33,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2516171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaueeeCarter/pseuds/LaueeeCarter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alison Adams' wealthy fiancé Jonathan Anderson is abusive and she wants to break their engagement to spare her a marriage filled with unhappiness. She never would have imagined that the Maiden Voyage of the Titanic would change her life for the better. Alison will find friendship and love. Torn between two sailors, she must make a choice. Abuse and mild sexual scene later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Titanic belongs to its owners.**
> 
> **This is my first attempt at writing a fan fiction about this amazing movie. I do my best to be as accurate as possible and mean absolutely no disrespect to the historical characters and passengers.**
> 
> **The fan fiction is inspired by the song _''More Than That''_ by the Backstreet Boys, and my writing is mostly based on James Cameron's movie.**
> 
> **A big thank you to Prairie Princess, Lady Lightoller and hmweasley on Fanfiction.net for their help.**
> 
> **The face claim I use for Alison, Jonathan and Katheryn are respectively Katie McGrath, Bradley James and Claire Forlani.**
> 
> **I hope you'll enjoy. Don't forget to review, favourite and follow!**
> 
> **Suggestions are always welcome. :)**

_« If life is a cage, then every day is a tear »_

_April 9th, 1912 - Southampton_

I'd choose solitude over cold kisses. If a relationship lacks love, then it is poison and consumes your soul from inside. Such affairs burn and hurt—you try to fight the situation, but you are slowly losing strength. The sun was at its zenith and shone bright in the cloudless sky. Although the weather was sweet for an April day, I could not enjoy its charity, having forgotten how warmth felt. My engagement to Jonathan Anderson had survived a year now. The man was the heir to a renowned law firm overseas. Everyday, I've waited for his cold heart to melt, but it doesn't seem like such a thing will manifest.

Each and every time he raised a hand or his voice, a feeling of weakness overcame me as if my body couldn't hold its own weight. Breath short and eyes wide, blood would begin to flow quickly through my veins as I watched him close the distance between us. My mind would begin to imagine all sorts of things that could have set Jonathan's anger off, having no idea of what I had supposedly did wrong. Did he hate how I cut my hair? Was, perhaps, my gown too low cut, or did he see me smile at our chauffeur?

I've tried to speak with my mother Katheryn Adams, a popular fashion designer, about the mistreatment and my desire to break the engagement, but she would not listen, convinced that the man would make a perfect husband. Was I a horrible daughter for wanting to do exactly what ladies of my class were not supposed to do? Going through with the engagement was my obligation. The simple thought of disappointing my mother made me tremble.

The usual noises and chatter of passersby in the busy streets of Southampton were muffled and indistinct, due to my many preoccupations. This numbness inside of me and my own breathing were the only things I felt and heard. Katheryn, my maid Elizabeth Clark, Jonathan, and I were strolling leisurely through the streets, shopping for accessories to bring in our luggage when we boarded the _Titanic_ tomorrow. My mother wanted to expand her fashion business overseas and visit her sister that she had not seen in what seemed like an eternity.

Every conversation we overheard was about the new pride of the White Star Line. The floating palace was at dock number 44. She was the safest, largest, and most luxurious ship afloat at the time. Although she was a real beauty, she was anything but the ship of dreams, for me, she was rather the ship of doom.

A nightmare about this very same vessel began when we bought our tickets for the maiden voyage of the _Titanic_. The dream was always about her striking a mass of ice and sinking to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. People from rich, middle, and poor classes fell into the freezing water. Motionless, pale cold bodies floated in the waves. Was this a warning or my internal fears and doubts? I've come to not want to sleep. Those images were rather horrible. Terrifying.

''Miss?''

Hearing a distant and familiar feminine voice behind me, I whipped my head in that direction and saw my maid holding a large black hat in her dry hands, remembering we were in a store filled with various hats for women and men.

''I do apologize, Elizabeth,'' My lips forced a smile, showing a set of white teeth. The simple action of smiling took all of my energy. ''I was preoccupied.''

A sympathetic gleam appeared in my interlocutor's large brown eyes for a short moment but disappeared quickly. The woman accompanied me every day. After a while, she had noticed the frequent bruises on my body.

''What does my lady think of this accessory?" Elizabeth asked sweetly, holding up the hat.

''This will look lovely with my blue gown! How many times do I have to remind you there is no need for formalities?'' I huffed.

''Yes, mi— Alison,'' she replied shyly.

A satisfied smile spread across my lips but faltered when we heard slow and heavy footsteps behind us. Elizabeth immediately turned into her formal self. She curtsied at me and went to buy the hat with Katheryn. A heavy scent of oil and cologne filled the air. Nausea began to overwhelm me. At this moment, I knew who the footsteps belonged to without needing to turn my head.

''Oh please, not another hat! You already have plenty of them!''

The tone of annoyance made my blood boil. Could I do something without always having to hear Jonathan say an impolite comment? None of my hats fit with the blue dress I had planned to wear tomorrow. Certainly a pink head accessory could not be worn with a dark colored dress, but of course, Mr. Anderson did not know that. Fashion was not his domain. I did not need his permission to buy a hat.

''I do not expect you to understand anything about fashion,'' I snapped at the man, turning around to meet him.

He clenched his well-defined jaw, narrowed his cold blue eyes, and straightened himself in a threatening manner. His gaze penetrated my soul like a predator watching his prey. The thought of what he could do made my heart race. His strike hurt whenever he decided I needed one.

Suddenly, a violent force pushed my head to the side. The sting was enough to make tears well up in my green eyes. Stunned by the strike I received, it took me several seconds to realize what had just happened. Passersby were most likely watching, shocked to see such treatment take place. I lowered my head down to the floor and instinctively raised a hand to my stinging cheek, trying to hide the reddened hand mark.

''Look at me when I'm talking to you!'' Jonathan barked, yanking my head up. It almost made a snap.

Jonathan grabbed my slim wrist roughly and forced me to look at him. Bruises would form tomorrow. There was no doubt about it.

''I will not tolerate you speaking to me that way! Is that understood?'' he bellowed, looking me straight in the eye.

My lips trembled, and I nodded quickly, desperately wanting him to leave me alone. Once seeing his order was understood, the man released me and turned back into a proper gentleman. Certainly not to disappoint my mother, he offered me his arm, which I reluctantly took. We then silently continued our walk in the crowded streets of Southampton.

* * *

_April 10th, 1912 - Southampton, Sailing Day_

Sitting on a chair in front of a vanity table in a large bedroom, Elizabeth was doing my long wavy black hair into a tight, elegant bun. I was 5 feet 8 inches tall if we added the height of the small dark heels on my feet. Today, a long sleeved dark blue dress mother had designed covered my slender body. The collar, made of topaz material, formed a small 'V' shape. A floral pattern began on my chest and finished on my wide hips. The flowers were also topaz, and the peduncles were dark green. To create a waterfall effect, the blue skirts of the dress were pulled up behind my back.

''I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life with a man such as Jonathan,'' I muttered under my breath, trying my best to keep calm and relaxed.

''One day, you will find a man who will love you,'' whispered the young woman who was styling my hair, smiling gently and removing her hands from it.

''I really hope so, Elizabeth... I really hope so. Can you please fetch that for me?'' I said, motioning to the hat I bought yesterday that had been lying on my bed.

Making use of 'please' and 'thank you' to a steward or a servant was very important to me. Although they belonged to the working class, I considered them as equal.

''Yes, miss.''

Elizabeth handed me the hat, and I placed it carefully on my head. The door of the bedroom opened slowly, and I saw Katheryn's reflection in the mirror in front of me. Her green eyes widened when I turned around to face her. Judging by her expression, she thought her daughter was beautiful.

''Ladies, we better hurry,'' she said.

Mother left the bedroom and made her way outside where two automobiles would lead us to the port of Southampton. I rose from the chair and followed her, our maid close behind in suit. Once we arrived outside, I noticed that our luggage was already in the vehicles.

My heart sank upon seeing my fiancé with his manservant standing near them. His prominent cheekbones and chin rose as a sickening fake smile spread across his full, soft lips. The man was dressed in a black suit and shoes of the same color, his dark, short blond hair slicked back. Jonathan was a very handsome man, but I did not feel any attraction towards him. Perhaps it was because I knew he was not as charming as he appeared to be.

All five of us too seats in the automobiles, and the chauffeurs drove over to the port. After what seemed like forever, our vehicles finally came to a stop. The man who was responsible for driving the automobile Jonathan, mother, and I occupied positioned himself in front of my door. He opened it, then helped me down. After having thanked him politely for assisting me, the other occupants of the vehicle and our two servants followed. People were shouting orders, and others were saying their goodbyes to those who were boarding the floating palace.

A magnificent Queen of the Ocean appeared before my eyes when I lifted my head. There the _RMS_ _Titanic_ stood in all her grace and splendor. She was breathtaking. My fiancé handed me his arm, and we made our way over to a bridge that led us into the hull of the ship. As the vessel came closer and closer, I began to feel so small compared to it. At the end of the catwalk, a crew member awaited passengers to register them.

''Welcome aboard!'' the man greeted us with a gentle smile after writing down our names and handing us the keys to our rooms.

''Thank you,'' Mother thanked him politely, and I followed her to find our staterooms in the depth of the ship.

* * *

The _Titanic_ was ready to leave the port in five minutes. Closing a heavy, white metallic door, Sixth Officer James Moody heard a masculine voice shout the word 'passengers' repeatedly.

''Have you been through the inspection queue?'' Mr. Moody asked the men in front of him, glancing at the tickets quickly, noticing that they belonged to steerage. He was not addressing himself to one of the men in particular. He just didn't want to allow those who could be carrying diseases to come aboard.

''Of course. Anyway, we don't have any lice. We're Americans, both of us,'' the blond young man replied, motioning a hand at his friend and himself as he had the tickets in tow.

The sixth officer observed the two passengers for a brief second. The one in front of him was definitely American, but his friend seemed to be of Italian descent. The sailor could see they really wanted to board the ship. If he refused to let them through, his heart would break.

''Right. Come aboard,'' he said simply, letting them enter.

The men didn't waste a second to cross the gap between the bridge and the ship. Once they made it safely inside of the vessel, the heavy, metallic door closed behind them, no longer accepting late passengers.

''We're the luckiest sons of bitches in the world! You know that?!'' the American man shouted happily at his Italian friend as they skipped through the corridors, unintentionally shoving people on their way, not bothering to apologize to them. They were like children who had received the gift they had always wanted.

* * *

People of different classes crowded the decks, and those who wanted to see the ship leave had to make sure not to collide with anyone, which was nearly impossible. That was when the moorings were removed and the ship stirred. Slowly, the engines of the _Titanic_ had begun to execute their function. The stokers had worked hard in that disgusting heat to stoke this Queen of the Ocean. The conditions of work from below were surely horrible, but surely the salary was enough at least to have somewhere to live at the end of the month.

''You know somebody?" an Italian voice echoed at the stern of the ship, noticing his friend waving wildly.

''Of course not! That's not the point!'' his American buddy replied, leaning against the cold, white railing in front of him to have a better view of the crowded dock. He waved his hand happily at people, having no idea of who they were, inviting his friend at his side to do the same.

''Goodbye. I'll miss you!''

''Goodbye!''

The men could care less about the fact that they didn't know anyone. They simply felt like saying goodbye to people as they headed off to America on the grandest, most beautiful ship ever built. The _Titanic_.

''Goodbye. I'll never forget you!''

Slowly but surely, the ship became a spot on the horizon.


	2. Chapter 2

_« Before I met you, I never knew what it was like to be able to look at someone and smile for no reason »_

_April 10th, 1912_

I cringed when I saw a single, large double bed next to the entrance door of the suite. Stewards were bringing our luggage. The dominating colors were mahogany and gold. There was a sofa made of red fabric on the other side of the entrance door and two pairs of white lights on the wall behind the bed and sofa. A large, dark wooden square table with four chairs stood in the middle of the room.

Seeing luggage resting on the bed, I reached to store its content in a dresser next to the sofa. Feeling a warm and rough sensation on the back of my hand, I looked over my shoulder and recognized my maid.

''This is not something a lady should do,'' she said firmly.

''A servant is not needed if I can do this on my own,'' I replied, raising my chin defiantly.

''I know, miss, but you must not do this.''

She was right. It was not _my_ work. Why should people of working class accomplish a task that you could do yourself? Not in the mood for an argument with Elizabeth, I sighed and stood up from the bed, leaving her to work.

''Mother and Jonathan, I'll be outside on the deck if you search for me.''

''Please allow me to escort you outside,'' Jonathan offered.

''No, that will _not_ be necessary.'' I shook my head, smiling faintly.

Warm sun-rays caressed my skin after a while of losing myself in the infinite corridors. Smiling, I walked towards the section of the prow allowed for passengers and leaned against the cold painted white steel edge then inhaled as much oxygen as my lungs could hold.

* * *

''Take that!'' Frederick Fleet threw a water bomb at his colleague, Reginald Lee.

Being in the crow's nest for hours the two lookouts had plenty of time on their hands. They played pranks on people to keep themselves from dying of boredom. Their favourite weapon was water bombs even though their aiming was not very good. The look of surprise and anger on their victims' faces amused them. The men had managed to hit a few people such as the officers and passengers.

''Hey!'' He dodged the water bomb just in time.

''Oh, you're not fun!''

Suddenly, a loud shriek of surprise from being soaked with cold water escaped my lips.

''Miss, what happened to you?"

An unknown deep masculine voice with an English accent caught my attention. Noticing a man running towards me, I figured he was an officer judging by the single golden bands around his sleeves. The instant the sailor stopped in front of me, I saw that he was in his late thirties and surpassed me by a couple of inches. A black cap with the logo of the Royal Navy hid his light, short brown hair. His healthy skin had a tan certainly due to years of seafaring. His cheekbones were high, and a long nose connected them. His lips were thin and full, and his eyes were a beautiful pale blue shade.

''Miss?''

Startled, I let out a breath I had no idea I'd been holding and looked down at my feet, blushing with embarrassment.

''Someone threw cold water at me, sir," I replied shyly, slowly looking up at the man.

''Oh, you must be freezing! Do you happen to know who did this to you?'' he asked in concern.

''No, I am not able to tell you.''

He groaned and slowly lifted his head as if having the answer, narrowing his eyes. ''Fleet and Lee, do _not_ make me climb up there!''

''It's Fleet's fault, sir!''

I followed the sailor's gaze and saw two black silhouettes hiding deep in their perch. It was difficult to see their faces very well from where they were.

''I apologize for what those two loons did. They mean no harm.'' The man in front of me chuckled, bringing my attention back to him. ''I'm sorry. I didn't introduce myself to you. I am the Second Officer Charles Lightoller.''

''Apology accepted.'' I giggled. ''I am delighted to meet you. My name is Alison Adams.''

Mr. Lightoller bowed his head at me. ''Is there anything I can do for you? Escort you to your cabin, perhaps?''

''Yes, that would be kind of you.''

For a second, I stared at the arm he had held out for me and took it despite being soaked. We walked in a comfortable silence after I told him where my cabin was located. Wanting to get to know the sailor, I broke the silence and learned he was born in Chorley, England, his age was thirty-eight and he was the youngest of five children. Feeling it was only fair he knew a little about me as well, I told him I was from Southampton, my age was twenty-four, and I was an only child.

Soon enough, we were standing in front of my stateroom door, and a sudden pang of sadness mixed with disappointment pulled at my heart.

''Here we are,'' I breathed, biting my lower lip and hesitatingly taking hold of the cold, golden doorknob.

Was I selfish for wanting to stay with this sailor despite the fact that he had duties to attend? He'd never be able to work on another ship if he didn't attend them. Should I ask him if we would meet again? After a moment, I finally turned around to face the man. Our eyes met, and I lost my ability to speak, feeling my heart beat fast against my ribcage.

''Will...'' I swallowed nervously. ''Will I see you again?''

There was a long, heavy silence between us as Mr. Lightoller held my gaze intently, making it harder for me to leave him. I almost regretted having asked that question. After all, I was just another first class lady travelling amongst other passengers.

The officer broke the silence, smiling softly. ''Perhaps you will. It is a ship. There are only so many places where we could be."

He took my hand in his, placed a polite kiss on my knuckles, and bid me a good afternoon, making me blush.

''Thank you for escorting me,'' I thanked him. ''When you see those two men, Mr. Fleet and Mr. Lee I believe you called them, could you please say hello to them for me?'' I smirked.

''Of course. I'm sure they will appreciate it.'' The sailor nodded, chuckling as he tipped his black cap one last time before walking away.

My smirk slowly turned into a smile as I watched Mr. Lightoller leave. Once he was completely gone, I entered my cabin and leaned against the door, sighing contently. Remembering that I was in my stateroom, I asked my maid to fetch me a dry corset and a dress.

* * *

The _Titanic_ narrowly avoided an accident with the _SS New York_ and left the port of Southampton an hour late. I spent most of the afternoon either walking outside on the deck or at the library. Jonathan made it difficult for me to have time to explore the floating palace. Whenever I had to go somewhere, he always demanded to accompany me. Thoughts of the officer I met earlier today invaded my mind and made me smile.

Mother knew a woman named Ruth Dewitt Bukater. Her daughter Rose and Rose's fiancé Caledon Hockley travelled with her. The only thing that mattered to Mrs. DeWitt Bukater and Mr. Hockley was their reputation. Rose and I got along well together. We were in a similar situation, and we had common interests such as literature and arts. Both of our fiancés also got along well together, which allowed us to get away from them.

The _Titanic_ arrived in Cherbourg, France in the evening. An escort boat had to be used to bring passengers of all classes to the ship. Margaret Brown, known as Maggie, and John Jacob Astor, the richest man on the ship accompanied by his seventeen-year-old wife, Madeleine, were amongst the first class people.

The first dinner on board the _Titanic_ was announced. We had the surprise of discovering that the Captain had invited Jonathan, Mother, and I to his table. We went to change outfits to join the other passengers of our class in the dining room located on D deck. With the help of Elizabeth, I put on a cream colored gown that touched the floor. It had dark golden glitter on the cleavage. It was simple but elegant, just how I liked my outfits. My maid pulled my black hair into a thick side braid, and I put on long cream gloves that reached my elbows.

''Are you ready, darling?'' Jonathan asked from behind me, dressed in yet another black suit with a white bow tie, and his blond hair slicked back.

''Yes, I'm coming!''

He offered me his arm, and we left our suite. As we strolled leisurely down the Grand Staircase, my eyes widened at the beauty unfolding before us. The wood was light oak. A large dome above our heads allowed daylight through it, and lights lighted it at night. There were delicate engravings in the wood. At the top of the stairs, a clock was embedded in the wall, and at the foot, a cherub held a light. Every material and paint was chosen carefully.

We met with my mother who was waiting for us with the two DeWitt Bukaters and Mr. Hockley. Katheryn was dressed in a two layers short-sleeved dress from her newest collection that touched the floor. The first layer was just a black lace secured at the waist with a waistband made of silk covering the dress, second layer, that was a material of a light shade of purple ending with black lace.

After the greetings, all six of us descended the stairs that led to the dining room. Arriving in front of two wooden doors, door attendants greeted us with a good evening. We thanked them and walked over to the Captain's table after having spotted him. He was not difficult to see with his white beard and hair that contrasted with his black uniform. The seven deck officers, Joseph Bruce Ismay, Mr. Thomas Andrews, and Margaret Brown were there. The moment he saw us, Mr. Smith stood up from his chair and welcomed us.

''Good evening. Please, let me introduce you to my men.'' He smiled warmly. ''Chief Officer Henry Wilde, First Officer William Murdoch, Second Officer Charles Lightoller, Third Officer Herbert Pitman, Fourth Officer Joseph Boxhall, Fifth Officer Harold Lowe and Sixth Officer James Moody.''

They made a beautiful crew. I offered a bow and a smile at each man. Mr. Wilde and Mr. Pitman only bowed their heads. We were lucky with the other officers. Not only did they bow their heads at us, they also smiled. As for Mr. Lightoller, he reserved for me a subtle wink, which made my cheeks burn. I smiled shyly at him and looked down at my feet, breaking eye contact immediately.

I already knew who Margaret was but did not personally know Mr. Andrews. I only knew that he designed the ship. His facial expression made me chuckle lowly. It was evident that he didn't like all the attention he was getting.

Katheryn and Mrs. Brown exchanged smiles, happy to see each other. Mother was friends with Maggie. She was full of life. The two women met when she went into her store to buy a new gown. Katheryn helped her choose which one looked best on her, and a friendship began. They had always kept in touch since. The introductions over, all six of us took a seat at the table.

''Your ship is a wonder, Mr. Andrews, truly,'' Rose said, making the man at her side look up from the small, black leather notebook he held in his hands that he surely used to note changes that needed to be applied to the _Titanic_.

''Thank you.'' He smiled warmly at her.

A waiter came at our table, offered us various appetizers, and we accepted some of them. It was best to occupy my hands and mouth. I had no idea how to act in the presence of Mr. Lightoller _and_ Jonathan. Who knew what could happen. Lifting my head, I saw the first officer next to Mr. Wilde staring at me intently with a soft smile tugging at his lips.

''I must say you look lovely this evening, miss.'' The heavy Scottish accent of Mr. Murdoch sent delicious shivers down my spine.

''Thank you, sir,'' I mumbled, trying to act calm, and smiled shyly. Then set my attention on Mr. Smith instead. ''Your men make a beautiful crew, Captain.''

He thanked me. ''Those words are very kind of you.''

''I had the privilege of meeting Mr. Lightoller today. He was kind enough to assist me," I said, looking at the officer in question beside Mr. Murdoch.

''Is that true?''

''Yes, sir.'' He nodded, smiling at me.

''Please enlighten us on what happened,'' Margaret asked curiously, a smile on her lips as well.

''While I was outside on the deck, two sailors threw cold water at me.'' I chuckled, shaking my head.

Mrs. DeWitt Bukater shot a scandalized look at the officers before replying. ''Who was it who dared to do this kind of thing to a lady?''

''I believe it was Mr. Fleet and Mr. Lee, ma'am. They're our lookouts,'' Mr. Lightoller replied calmly, but I could tell he was trying hard not to laugh at what they had done. Horrified gasps came from her, mother, and Jonathan.

''So disrespectful,'' Katheryn said under her breath.

Cal simply shook his head slowly, narrowing his eyes lightly.

''Their attitude is a disgrace to the White Star Line," Mr. Ismay interjected, disappointed in the lookouts.

''I feel sorry for the men here who didn't do anything...'' Rose whispered to me, leaning over the table.

''Me too, Rose. Me too.'' I sighed.

A scowl crossed Mr. Smith's face before he replied, ''I will have a word with them.''

_As I chewed on my food, my surroundings changed from a large room filled with people I knew, barely knew, and never saw in my entire life. Most of them were family members, friends of my mother, and colleagues of hers. Katheryn organized a charity event and invited a wealthy friend of hers who lived overseas. His name was Jonathan Anderson._

_A week earlier, she announced to me that I was to marry him, saying that he was a good match for me. I knew I abhorred him deeply the instant my eyes landed on him. His arrogant attitude repulsed me. Anyone of working class was inferior to him. Mother wanted to see a man take good care of her daughter, and I understood that. She was tired of me always refusing every single proposal from suitors presented to me because I wanted to marry a man that I loved._

_During dinner, mother said to everyone present that Mr. Anderson had to ask me something of important matter, and I knew immediately that it was a marriage proposal but not what I've always imagined it to be. The tall, dark blond haired man stood up from his chair and dropped down on one knee in front of me for everyone in the room to see. Gasps were heard as he revealed a small black velvet box from his pocket._

_''Alison Adams, will you please do me the honour of becoming my wife?''_

_My heart sank, and my eyes welled up with tears. Everyone held his or her breath, waiting for my answer. It was an engagement from Hell. I didn't want to become Mr. Anderson's wife. Katheryn would be mad and disappointed at me if I refused his proposal. I glanced at her, and she shot me a stern look, telling me I had no choice but to accept_

_''Yes, I will.'' I accepted his proposal even though deep down inside I wanted to refuse._

This evening, I exchanged quick glances and smiles with Mr. Lightoller and Mr. Murdoch. Why were they staring at me? The ladies discussed Rose's and my marriages as if we weren't there and also the new collection of clothes my mother owned. As for Rose and I, we learned a little more about each other. The men spoke about subjects women probably would not have understood, such as business, politics, and, of course, the _Titanic_.

The dinner was slowly ending, and the men had retired to the smoking room to continue their mindless discussion about politics and business. They played poker, smoked cigars, and drank alcoholic beverages. As for the officers and the Captain, they retired to attend to their duties.


	3. Chapter 3

_« One act of kindness can change someone's life »_

_April 10th, 1912_

Tired after this long day, I bid the ladies goodnight and retired to my stateroom. I then asked my maid, who was not asleep yet, to help me remove my outfit.

''When I get under the covers, I'll be the first!'' Elizabeth exclaimed happily with a wide, excited smile.

A chuckle escaped my lips at her words as I dressed in a white nightgown with long sleeves and lace that touched the floor. I sat down on the bed, gently caressing the unused covers with my hand, knowing I would be the first to use them.

''When I get under the covers, I'll still be the first.'' Hearing Jonathan mock Elizabeth, I frowned in disgust and slowly lifted my head to see him leaning against the doorway of the stateroom.

The maid curtsied and left the room. He watched her leave and returned his attention to me. My mind raced as I watched the man close the distance between us slowly, a scowl across his face. It only meant one thing when Jonathan acted that way: he was going to hit me. Two possibilities of what I did wrong came to my mind. One, during dinner Mr. Murdoch complimented me, and I smiled at him. Two, also during dinner, Mr. Lightoller winked at me.

Was my fiancé mad at me because I caught the attention of two men? He should know that after having been together for a year that I had no intention to be unfaithful to him. The officers were simply being nice to me! Did he not trust me to be faithful to him? Even though it was an arranged marriage, Jonathan was still my husband to be.

''Oh, you are being ridiculous! The men were only being _nice_ to me! How is it wrong?'' I spat at him, emphasizing the word nice.

Suddenly, his hand collided with my cheek, and tears streamed down my face despite my attempt not to cry. I knew it was coming, but it hurt every single time. Crying out for help would only result in Jonathan hitting me more.

''Did you kiss the man who winked at you? I'm sure you did. I saw the way he looked at you, little slut!''

The man grabbed my shoulders roughly and dug his fingertips deeply into my skin, extracting a light whimper from me. His deep and cold blue eyes pierced through my warm light green ones. I've always hated that look. It was as if he was staring right through my soul.

''Let go of me!'' I yelled, trying to remove myself from his strong grip.

''No! I said no!'' Jonathan tightened his hands and pulled me closer to him in the process, making sure that I couldn't escape.

''I said let me go! I did not kiss him, I swear I didn't!''

He narrowed his eyes, pondering over my words, loosening his grip. It was my chance to escape him. I removed myself from his hands and ran outside of the stateroom, holding my nightgown. Before the door closed, Jonathan demanded that I come back into the room. Oh no, I wouldn't.

''Dammit!'' I groaned under my breath. The _Titanic_ was a large ship. I just needed fresh air! Why were there so many corridors for a simple destination?

Tears continued to flow, and my bare feet hit the cold, hard metallic floor as I ran, attracting people's attention. They shot me scandalized looks, but I ignored them. There was no way out of this engagement. No one deserved to be treated the way Jonathan treated me.

When I arrived outside on the deck, the fresh air of the night caressed my pale skin. After spotting the stern of the ship, I ran towards it. This was my escape, my only way out. Tonight would be the last time I felt this heartbeat in my chest. Reaching the end of the _Titanic_ , I slowed down my race, and a trembling hand grabbed the cold, white railing. I slowly and carefully climbed over it, desperately wanting to stop this burning pain in my chest.

''Miss Adams!''

An exasperated sigh escaped my lips, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Why did someone have to stop me? Finding the voice familiar, I looked over my shoulder, almost losing my balance and falling into the cold waves of the Atlantic Ocean.

_Charles Lightoller._

My chest compressed painfully, and my breath hitched upon seeing the handsome and charming sailor I met earlier today. We didn't know each other well. He wouldn't care. I was just another passenger after all.

''Don't do it!'' He raised his black gloved hand, taking a step towards me.

''Stay back, Mr. Lightoller! Please...'' I whispered my last sentence, tightening my grip on the railing, my knuckles turning a deeper shade than my already pale skin. The man had been nothing but kind to me. At that thought, my throat formed a lump and my shoulders shook with a sob. My heart ached for him to see me in such a vulnerable state.

''You do not want to do this.''

How impolite! We've known each other for only a couple of hours. How can he know what I will or will not do? Did he observe me from afar or ask around about me?

''Don't presume to tell me what I will or will not do! You do _not_ know me,'' I hissed through my teeth.

''Well, you would have done it already.''

Feeling annoyance rise inside of me, I rolled my eyes and looked down at the deep ocean below the ship. Perhaps Mr. Lightoller cared after all. Otherwise he would have let me jump. I should not have snapped at him like that. He was only trying to help. I bit my lower lip, debating with myself if I should apologize to him or not.

''Please, miss... give me your hand. I will pull you back over.''

''You're distracting me! Go away!'' No one could help me. No one.

''I saw the way your fiancé looked at you over dinner. He is possessive, isn't he?'' he remarked knowingly.

Tears welled up in my jade eyes as the altercation of tonight came back to me, and I looked back at Mr. Lightoller.

''Yes, he is abusive as hell. Why do you even care? I am just another passenger like everyone else...''

''I will never forgive myself if I let you jump...'' he whispered, taking a few steps towards me and stepping up beside me on the other side of the railing. The concern and kindness in his voice was all that it took to see that he really cared.

''I never do anything, and he constantly finds reasons to slap me around!'' Tears blurred my vision. I could wipe them and fall into the ocean, ending my life right here and there so quickly, so easily. ''I—I can't take it much longer, Mr. Lightoller.'' I sobbed.

The officer raised a black gloved hand and carefully, almost afraid of my reaction, placed it over mine. No matter how much my mind wanted me to remove it, my heart begged me to keep his hand there. Loving the warmth emanating from the sailor, I decided to listen to my heart.

''But you must understand that ending your life won't take away the pain. It will only make it worse.''

''How?'' I asked, confused.

''You will regret taking your life for some beast of a man. He's not worth all the pain and tears,'' Mr. Lightoller replied. ''I know what abuse is like from having been a victim of it as a child. Please, allow me to help you.''

I averted my gaze and chewed on my lower lip, processing what he had just said. The man was right, but I didn't want to hurt anymore. Did I hear correctly? Could it be possible that I'd found someone who understood what I was going through?

''You do? I... I'm sorry you had to go through that, sir... No one should.'' It was my way to apologize for snapping at him. My heart ached to know that he was abused as a child.

The officer just shook his head, smiling lightly before replying, ''It is in the past.''

''Jumping would be so quick... so easy... so painless...'' I choked.

''I don't think it will be painless, miss. The water is freezing. It hits you like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body. You can't breathe, and you can't think, at least not about anything but the pain,'' Mr. Lightoller interjected sombrely, glancing down at the cold and endless ocean.

At the mention of the freezing water, the nightmare I saw every night rushed back to me, and I swallowed nervously. Wanting to end my life was not on my mind anymore.

''Do you swear you will help me?'' I asked tentatively, turning my head to look at the man at my side.

''On my honour as a sailor.'' He smiled, and I smiled back.

I grabbed his hand he had extended for me, then turned around to face him. Suddenly, as I raised my foot to climb over the railing, my nightgown entered in contact with it, and I slipped. Mr. Lightoller followed me but didn't go overboard, and his other hand grabbed my forearm tightly.

A loud, afraid shriek broke the silence of the night as I realized that the only thing separating me from death was this hand holding mine. Panic overwhelmed me, and I frantically tried to pull myself up many times but never succeeded in reaching the _Titanic_.

''Listen to me, miss! I've got you. I won't let go!''

My eyes found Mr. Lightoller's, and the intensity of his blue gaze sucked the air from my lungs. He was sincere, and I knew at this moment that I had to trust him. His strong arms found my waist, and he pulled me over the right side of the white railing. We both tried to regain our balance, which resulted in us falling together on the wooden floor with Mr. Lightoller landing on top of me. I gasped as a short pain caused by the impact with the floor shot through my body.

''What's all this?'' I heard a masculine voice say. Still in shock and trembling, I didn't turn my head to see who it was.

''Quartermaster Rowe! I can assure you it's not what you think it is.''

''Sir, stand back and do not move an inch. Go fetch Mr. Wilde!''

Quickly, a weight was removed from my body, and I realized that the man who saved my life had stood up. A large, strong black-gloved hand grabbed mine and helped me on my feet. Fearing it was Jonathan, my heart picked up the pace, and I had the surprise to find the First Officer Mr. Murdoch.

''I heard your scream from the bridge. Are you alright, Miss?''

''Yes, I–I'm fine, sir. Thank you for asking,'' I nodded shakily.

Hearing footsteps coming our way, I whipped my head in that direction and saw two sailors, Jonathan and the chief officer walking towards us. Someone put a blanket over my shoulders, and my fiancé glared at the first officer before wrapping an arm around my shoulders. He then turned around to face Mr. Lightoller, who was with his superior.

''What made you think you could put your hands on my fiancée?'' he spat, grabbing the lapels of his black officer's jacket, disgusted that a _sailor_ dared to do such thing to someone of higher social class.

''Mr. Anderson, I understand you are disturbed by this man's behaviour towards your fiancé, but I will politely ask you to remove your hands from him.''

Jonathan simply rolled his eyes at the highest-ranking officer. I've known the man for a long enough time to know that commoners, as he liked to call them, had no right to give him orders.

''I was only trying to help Miss Adams, sir,'' Mr. Lightoller said in defense.

''Help, _of course!_ How is lying on top of her helping, hum?''

''Are you aware that it can result in you losing your position in the White Star Line?'' the chief officer asked, wanting to make sure that his subordinate understood the gravity of the situation.

''Yes, I perfectly am, _Mr. Wilde_ , but I swear on my sailor's honour that there was no rape attempt involved!''

''Your sailor's honour? What a horrible one,'' my fiancé scoffed, shaking his head, which resulted in the other men glaring at him for insulting them. ''Those men saw you lying on my fiancé!'' he added, motioning to the quartermaster and the two sailors next to him.

Not able to bear to see the officer who saved my life treated this way, I took a step towards the men to take his defense but saw Mr. Murdoch make his way over to them, clearly feeling the same way as I did and I remained where I was.

''If I may, Mr. Wilde, I've known Charles for a long time now to know that he would never do such thing.''

''And who are _you_? You weren't there to know what happened!'' Jonathan growled at the Scotsman.

''The name is William Murdoch, Mr. Anderson. Let me remind you that you weren't there either to know what happened between Mr. Lightoller and Miss Adams,'' he replied in a calm and authoritative tone. ''With all due respect, sir, you have no right to speak to him that way. I've known him longer than you have.''

With a scowl, Jonathan rolled his eyes but didn't say anything, and Mr. Murdoch turned around to face Mr. Wilde and Mr. Lightoller. There was a long silence between the men before the chief officer said anything. According to the way the first officer spoke of his subordinate, they knew each other well enough to know what they would and wouldn't do. If he said the second officer would never attempt to rape a woman, then it had to be true.

''Aye. I won't say a word to the captain. We wouldn't want you to lose your position in the White Star Line,'' Mr. Wilde said, addressing himself to Mr. Lightoller.

''Yes, sir,'' the men replied in unison. With that, the chief officer left, Quartermaster Rowe and the other two sailors following in suit.

''You're freezing. Let's get you inside,'' Jonathan said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and dragging me with him.

As I looked over my shoulder, my gaze met Mr. Murdoch's deep blue one, and I found myself not wanting to look away. There was something about the Scotsman, but I had no idea what it was. Perhaps it was his honest face or the genuineness of his smile. An aura of kindness and security surrounded him. I felt strangely comforted by his mere presence. Even though he was just a sailor, he had the courage to defend his friend against a man like Jonathan and handled the situation with professionalism. Whenever Mr. Murdoch spoke to me, his sweet voice and heavy accent sent shivers down my spine. The more I stared at the man, the more I thought that, just like Mr. Lightoller, he was also pleasant to look at. He tipped his sailor cap, and I smiled shyly at him one last time before disappearing with the other first class.

''Thanks, mate,'' Mr. Lightoller thanked the first officer.

Mr. Murdoch's watch was far from over, and he walked past the second officer, placing a friendly hand on his shoulder.

''Anytime, Lights. That's what friends are for.'' He smiled and disappeared.


	4. Chapter 4

_« I get jealous because I'm afraid someone is going to make you happier than I do »  
_

_April 11th, 1912_

''It is time to wake up, Miss!''

A displeased sigh escaped my lips as I opened my eyes and recognized Elizabeth. I would have stayed in bed a little more. As my blurry vision cleared, I noticed that the walls, the decoration, and the windows of the room were different from home in Southampton. Even the scent was different.

''What time is it?'' I asked sleepily, sitting up in the bed, stretching my arms, and silently thanking God that Jonathan was already awake.

''It is eight hours, Miss. Mrs. Adams and Mr. Anderson are waiting for you for breakfast in the dining room.''

''Do you remember what I said about formalities, Elizabeth?'' I replied irritably.

''Yes... Alison. Please forgive me,'' she mumbled apologetically, rummaging through my belongings in the dresser. ''Which dress would you like to wear?''

''The green one please,'' I answered, removing my nightdress and putting on the undergarments lying on the bed.

The dress was a short-sleeved two layers that I bought before boarding the Titanic. The materials used were satin, silk, and muslin. The first layer was dark green, and the second one underneath was cappuccino with white lace. Silver lace, green and silver pearls decorated the floral bodice of the same colour.

We were on our way for Queenstown, Ireland. I had a week of freedom until the Titanic docked in New York.

'Oh, wonderful! I'm counting the days left now. I could disembark in Ireland. This way, I'd escape my marriage and be able to live my life.'

It wasn't an option. Mother would be crushed if she found out I ran away. Aunt Evelyn and I were her only close family left.

A small smile spread on my lips as I remembered what happened yesterday.

If it wasn't for those two lookouts, I probably would never have met Mr. Lightoller. He had a subtle sense of humour, and it was pleasant to be in his company. Despite being grateful for his time and consideration, I had no idea how he planned to help me. All I knew was that he was determined to succeed.

'How rude of me! I never had the chance to thank him. Mr. Lightoller must certainly think I am a spoiled, ungrateful brat now. I need to thank him today.'

Then there was the first officer I'd had the pleasure of meeting during dinner and seeing again after my suicide attempt had been stopped. Smiling, my heart fluttered at the thought of Mr. Murdoch. His mere presence had calmed me, and he had been incredibly kind and polite. Curiosity as well as interest had shone in his blue eyes during dinner. Could it be possible that he was interested in me? No, of course not. Why would he be?

'This is absurd! I don't even know him!'

''My lady?''

I bit my lower lip as Elizabeth's voice took me out of my thoughts.

''Are you alright, Miss?'' she asked again in concern.

''Yes, I'm fine, Elizabeth. Thank you,'' I assured, smiling faintly, hoping she would not press the matter.

She pinned my hair up after I put on the dress and accompanied me to the dining room where breakfast was waiting.

Mother and I changed outfits and joined Ruth DeWitt Bukater, Rose, and Lucile Lady Duff Gordon for tea in the first class lounge located on A Deck.

The room occupied a large space mid-ship, offering views to the promenade deck. The dominating feature of the room was panelling carved in oak with motifs of musical instruments. Bronze sconces and large rounded mirrors were installed throughout.

An opaque glass with crystal embellishment occupied the center of the ceiling, which was itself molded with instrumental motifs, giving an impressive height to the room.

Adjoining the open seating area were tall bay windows of leaded-glass with the top panes in stained glass. Groups of tables and chairs, sofas and armchairs with green and gold floral patterns were scattered throughout. At the center of the forward wall was a carved, grey marble decorative fireplace with a tall, rounded mirror above the mantelpiece. At the opposite end, the wall curved and contained a wide mahogany bookcase.

''Alison, are you listening to me?''

''I apologize, Mother.'' I shook my head, putting down the spoon that I had been twirling for the umpteenth time absently, and lifted my head to see Katheryn looking at me questioningly. ''What were you saying?''

''I was saying to Ruth and Lucille that you found a good husband.''

''Oh, yes, absolutely.'' I nodded, offering her a faint, forced smile.

I couldn't blame our mothers for wanting to see Rose and I married. Clearly, our suitors would be able to provide for us. However, in 1912, men treated women as property. There was no way we'd find a man who'd treat us well.

'But Mr. Murdoch and Mr. Lightoller are respectful... No, Alison. You're engaged. This is not right.'

All of a sudden, the bridge became more appealing, and the small, usual mindless chatter of passengers in the lounge became muffled and indistinct. I had found myself looking in its direction whenever I'd gone outside earlier today. I'd sometimes found myself making my way over to where the officers worked but stop in my tracks, remembering that passengers weren't allowed over there. I'd never forgive myself if they ever lost their positions in the White Star Line.

Needing to see Mr. Murdoch and Mr. Lightoller burned and consumed me. It would kill me one day. Guilt for not having thanked the second officer was eating at me like a parasite. What I wouldn't give Mr. Murdoch to grant me one of his warm, comforting smiles. If I satisfied this need, then maybe their faces would cease to invade my mind.

''Alison and Rose, why don't you two go take a stroll outside to discuss your wedding plans?'' Katheryn suggested. She must have sensed that I wasn't entirely focused on the conversation. Disappointment as well as worry shone in her green eyes.

Ruth shot me a stern look before approving. ''What a lovely idea.''

''Yes, come with me outside, Alison,'' Rose said with a fake smile and a nod to accentuate her words. Silently, I followed my friend outside.

''We're not going to discuss our wedding plans, are we?'' Rose asked almost worriedly.

''Oh no!'' I laughed, and she smiled, letting out a sigh of relief.

We then strolled leisurely on the deck, enjoying the fresh air and speaking about nothing and everything, simply wanting to know the other's opinion and advice about a subject.

''You certainly have a dream, Alison.''

Stopping at the opened front of the promenade deck, we leaned against the side of the ship, a light breeze blowing. The sun was a soft orange colour and shone low on the horizon, indicating that it was about to set.

''Since I was a little girl, my dream has always been to become an author,'' I replied to Rose's statement, turning to look at my right.

''Which genre?''

''I'm not sure. All I know is that I want to capture a reader into a storyline and make him or her wonder about questions.''

''I believe you will make a good author.'' Rose smiled, and I smiled back, then thanked her.

We fell into a comfortable silence, broken by the waves crashing at the base of the Titanic and passengers' chatter. After a while, my thoughts wandered to the officers again. What were they doing? Were they safe?

'No, Alison. You must stop thinking about them.'

''How about you, Rose? What is your dream?'' I returned the question, needing a distraction.

''You know, mine has always been to become an artist.'' She sighed, turning to look at me, and our faces fell, knowing that our dreams might never come true.

I broke the silence after a moment. ''Oh, I'm sure there is an artist inside of you.''

''You think so?''

''Certainly. You have an eye for detail.''

Chuckling softly, she nodded, ''You're right.'' She continued, seeing that I didn't say anything, ''Everyone expects me to be this delicate flower, which I'm not. I'm here to do something.''

''And what is it that you would like to do?'' I questioned further, curiously.

''I'm not sure yet. All I know is that I just want to do something that I enjoy.''

''I understand.''

The fact that I barely knew the officers was frustrating and scary. What was happening? When did this need appeared?

''Rose, can you accompany me to the bridge, please?''

''Alison, passengers are not allowed over there...'' she said cautiously, surprised that I'd make such a request.

''I know, but I have to go there.'' I sighed.

A frown crossed Rose's face as she obserbed me intently. ''Are you alright? You seem... absent. You weren't like that yesterday afternoon.''

I couldn't possibly tell her about Mr. Murdoch and Mr. Lightoller. She'd certainly tell me to forget about them considering my situation and their reputation.

''It's— it's complicated. Let's just say I owe my life to an officer.''

''You tried to commit suicide?''

Nodding quickly, I could feel the tears threaten to spill as I remembered why.

''Oh, Alison...'' she whispered sympathetically, placing a hand on my forearm.

''I've never had the chance to thank him, and now I feel so ungrateful...'' I shook my head, blinking several times to suppress the tears.

''You're not ungrateful.'' She shook her head. ''Come on, let's go see him. I can see it eating away at you.''

''Really?''

''Yes. Now come with me.'' She smiled, and we made our way up to the bridge at the front of the ship.

As we walked, I explained to Rose how Mr. Lightoller had saved my life and been accused of rape, but his superior Mr. Murdoch had defended him. To my surprise, she said the men were nice for helping someone in need.

Of course, it was only normal Mr. Lightoller would help me.

'I'd never forgive myself if I let you jump...'

Was there another reason behind him helping me other than that it was his duty to look after passengers?

Feeling that I could trust Rose, I added that all day, for some reasons unknown to me, I'd been dying to see the men.

As we approached the bridge, I could feel my heart begin to race and my hands begin to tremble and sweat. Suddenly, a man dressed in a black uniform turned around and crashed into me. He instinctively raised his hands and grabbed my wrists to steady me. Our eyes met as we both lifted our heads, and I lost my ability to speak, feeling the air leaving my lungs.

Mr. Murdoch.

''I— I apologize, sir. If only I knew you were there...''

''There is no need to apologize, Miss Adams.'' He smiled, and I nodded swiftly in response, not trusting my voice, returning his beautiful smile. ''Please tell me, what are two ladies like yourselves doing here?''

''Actually, we wanted to speak with Mr. Lightoller,'' Rose replied for me, noticing that I was strangely nervous and raising an eyebrow. ''If that is possible, Mr. Murdoch,'' she added, looking back at the man in front of her.

''Mr. Lightoller is getting ready for his watch, but I suppose you can have a word with him.''

''I promise it will not take too long.'' My friend smiled.

''Thank you, sir,'' I managed to say after a moment as he disappeared into the officer's' quarters.

''Alison...'' she began cautiously.

Rose seemed to have understood something. I hated it when people were aware of matters, and I wasn't. In response, I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. Before she could say anything, Mr. Murdoch returned with his subordinate. At the sight of them, my lips parted into a soft, small, quivering smile.

''Good evening, Miss DeWitt Bukater and Miss Adams.'' Mr. Lightoller bowed his head, which we returned politely.

''Rose, I'm sure you remember Mr. Lightoller and Mr. Murdoch from dinner with Captain Smith yesterday.''

''Yes, I remember them. It is a pleasure to meet you officially.'' She smiled at the men.

''Pleasure to meet you as well, Miss.''

''You may call me Rose.''

The men nodded.

''What is it that you wish to tell me?'' Mr. Lightoller asked us, a gleam of curiosity in his clear eyes.

''I wanted to thank you for having saved my life yesterday.'' I spoke up, doing my best to keep my voice from trembling.

''You're welcome, my lady.''

''It's just... I— I've never had the chance to do it,'' I quickly added, suddenly needing to explain myself.

''I understand.'' Mr. Lightoller nodded and smiled reassuringly, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Why did he look pained?

''As for you, Mr. Murdoch—'' I turned to look at the highest-ranking officer present.

''Will, please.'' He cut me off.

''Pardon me?''

''Please, call me William or Will. As you wish,'' he clarified unnecessarily, his lips tugging up softly into a smile.

''Sure will, sir.''

''I will, but only if you two call me Alison. Any title such as my lady or Miss Adams is too formal for my liking.''

''As you wish, Mi— Alison,'' William corrected himself, and I smiled at how my name sounded coming from him.

For a short second, I saw Mr. Lightoller avert his gaze from me as if he was trying to avoid mine. What was the matter with him? First, it was his smile and now this. Did I do or say something to upset him?

''If I will call you Alison and Rose, then it is only fair that you call me Charles or Lights,'' he said, replacing his gaze on Rose and me.

After a short, uncomfortable silence, Charles' deep, booming voice broke it with a chuckle. ''Someone might be retrograded if he isn't on watch.''

Chuckling, I playfully pushed him towards the bridge. ''Don't make me tell Captain Smith or, worse, Mr. Ismay on you!''

''I wouldn't want that if I were you, Lights,'' William teased, and Charles laughed.

Shaking her head, Rose giggled. ''Have a good evening and watch, Charles. It was a pleasure meeting you.''

''Thank you, Rose. I look forward to seeing you again.'' He smiled at her, not as pained this time.

''Have a safe watch,'' I said, feeling my heart squeeze painfully as I watched him make his way towards the wheelhouse. ''It was nice seeing you again!''

''You too, Alison!'' he replied over his shoulder with a wave of his hand and disappeared.

As she turned around, Rose placed a hand on my shoulder. ''We should go back. Our mothers are certainly wondering where we are.''

''I'll come later.''

My friend nodded, then left for the First Class entrance. Once she was out of sight, I turned to face William. As I stood there, not a sound left my lips, unsure of how to put into words what I wanted to tell him. My heart was beating terribly fast, so much I feared he might have heard it.

''William, I've also wanted to tell you that it was brave of you to have stood up to Jonathan and your superior to defend Charles,'' I finally said, looking up at him.

''Oh, I only did what any friends would have done,'' he replied, waving a hand dismissively with a gentle smile.

'He's so modest!'

I nodded softly and smiled back, not knowing what to say to that.

''Is my lady enjoying the voyage so far?''

''How can I possibly not? This ship is a wonder!''

''I sense uncertainty here. Is anything amiss?'' the first officer asked softly as his face fell, and I realized that my words and tone must not have matched.

''It is nothing, really. I'm fine. I'll be fine.'' I shook my head. I had been raised better than to show my true feelings.

''A lady doesn't attempt to end her life for no reason, Alison,'' he stated matter-of-factly.

When did my personal life suddenly come to matter? Could I trust him and not be judged for feeling the way I did?

''Please, Mr. Murdoch, it is personal,'' I said harsher than I intended, despite appreciating his concern.

''I apologize if I have offended you. It was not my intention.''

''Thank you for understanding, sir.'' I bowed my head. ''It's been a pleasure. I must leave you now.''

''Please, let me escort you to the First Class entrance,'' he offered, handing me his arm.

After accepting eagerly, we began to walk calmly together and got to know each other. Dalbeattie was William's hometown, a lovely place according to him. I also learned that he was thirty-nine years old, and the only child out of four to make a career in seafaring.

I had told him that my father used to be the owner of a naval company rival to the White Star Line, and he had shown me everything I knew about ships. William had teased, saying we shouldn't see each other because the White Star Line and Oceania Line were rivals. He had an interesting sense of humor, that's for sure.

''So, you're saying that you're supposed to be Chief Officer.'' He nodded. ''Wow, that's a prestigious rank. But why do they refer you as first mate?''

''It was decided by the White Star Line for the maiden voyage of the Titanic that an experienced chief officer occupy the rank, thus retrograding Charles, Mr. Blair, another sailor, and I.''

''I am terribly sorry to hear that...'' I said sympathetically. ''It must have been difficult for you three,'' I added after a short silence. ''I'm sure you have worked ardently to be where you are. Please, do not ever doubt yourself, Will.''

He thanked me, looking baffled, ''Thank you...''

''Don't thank me.'' I laughed softly, which made him smile.

The smile left his lips as he mentioned a sensitive subject for me. ''You said your father was the owner of the Oceania Line. What's with the use of past tense?''

Tears blurred my eyes at the thought of him, like an old wound opening again. Mentioning close deceased people shouldn't be avoided.

''He passed away from... from... an incurable blood disease when I was a child.''

''I'm sorry to hear about your loss, Alison.''

''Thank you,'' I whispered, shaking my head, blinking several times to suppress my tears. Although I had accepted my father's death, I still missed him. He had been strict but kind to me.

All of a sudden, William stopped in his tracks, and my heart sank as my eyes landed upon the white ensign where '1st Class Entrance' could be read.

''I don't want to go back...'' I whispered, looking back at him, feeling my heart squeeze painfully. This wasn't me, feeling so safe and comfortable with a man.

''You have to go back, Alison,'' William replied softly, almost sadly, taking a step towards me.

I swallowed nervously as I looked up into his warm eyes. What was he going to do?

Will tentatively leaned down and placed a polite kiss on my cheek, not lingering more than necessary. There was something in the way he kissed me. Tenderness? Affection?

''Have a good evening, Alison.'' He smiled.

''You too have a good evening and a safe watch.'' I smiled back.

''Thank you, my lady.'' He laughed as I playfully glared at him.

Will stayed until I made it safely inside of the ship and left once I did. I then went to my cabin and changed into an evening dress for dinner.


	5. Chapter 5

_« You're my dilemma, one half of me wants you, and the other half wants to forget you »_

_April 11th, 1912_

First Class's usual conversations, utensils and glass clanging against the china, and the orchestra playing surrounded us in the dining room as I silently ate our principal meal. Most of the time, I wasn't listening when someone spoke to me. I'dattended gatherings such as this one all of my life. They wouldn't change. Why did Charles look pained this afternoon, and why did I feel so safe and comfortable around him and William?

Anyone who spoke to me often had to ask me if I was listening or repeat what they were saying. I could feel people's eyes on me, wondering what was wrong with me.

Throughout the night, I had exchanged smiles and glances with Rose. I wanted to know what she knew, but fear stopped me from asking.

Men retired to the smoking room, and women stayed at the table to gossip. Not wanting to stay with them but not tired yet, I decided to follow Rose, who needed fresh air, outside. A soft, chilly breeze blew, and I wrapped the shawl I had gone to get in my cabin around my shoulders.

''What would you do if you found someone during the voyage?''

''Rose! I couldn't possibly!'' I exclaimed in shock.

''But you want to find love, Alison. I know you do, just as I want to find someone.''

''That would be considered cheating!''

People would be ashamed of us, and I wasn't the kind of woman who went behind her suitor's back.

''I know, but what if that person made you happy? They'd respect you and make you feel like you're the most wonderful person in the world.''

Now I understood what she meant. This could only mean she had caught on to my interest in the officers. Platonic friendship or not, I couldn't risk revealing it to anyone.

''It is a difficult question to answer...''

''I would.''

''Are you—'' I asked, eyes wide.

''Yes, Alison, and you should too if it means freedom.''

''I guess I would,'' I whispered after a moment as Mr. Murdoch's and Mr. Lightoller's faces appeared in my mind. I paused, then turned to look at her. ''Please, don't say a word to anyone about the officers.''

''You have my word.'' Rose smiled and wrapped her arms around me into a tight, warm embrace.

''You're a good friend, Rose.'' I hugged her back, smiling.

I bid her goodnight and retired to my stateroom. As I was changing into my nightgown, someone knocked on the door.

''Enter,'' I said loud enough so whoever was at the door could hear me.

The door opened quietly, and relief washed over me when I saw it was only my mother. Elizabeth curtsied and left silently, leaving us alone.

''Alison, I've noticed a change in your behavior.''

''Not now, Mother...' I protested, not in the mood to have this discussion.

''You've been distracted since this morning. Jonathan noticed, Ruth noticed, everyone did,'' she continued, ignoring my protest and taking a seat on the red sofa beside the door across from my bed.

''I simply haven't been feeling well lately.'' I tried to pass my behavior for seasickness.

''You're a terrible liar, Alison. You're my daughter, I know you,'' she said quickly, narrowing her green eyes.

'Perhaps you don't know me well after all, Mother.'

''It's about the marriage, isn't it?'' She sighed exasperatedly, rolling her eyes.

''Mother, I know that you're tired of me always refusing to marry suitors presented to me,'' I spat, lifting my head to look up at her. ''But I don't want to marry that horrible bastard! He's abusive and disrespectful to me.''

''Oh, please, Alison! Jonathan abusive? I have known him for years. There is no way he is abusive.''

''Well, you're wrong about him. He hides his game well. Have you seen those bruises on my body? I didn't trip or hurt myself, Mother! He did this to me! Do you care for me at all?'' I yelled, standing up from the bed.

''You will not speak to your mother that way!'' she yelled back, lifting herself up quickly from the sofa and standing in front of me.

''Why can't you just listen to me?'' I cried as tears formed in my eyes, needing to be alone.

''I will not listen to your nonsense again!'' she growled, her hand colliding with my cheek. Did she just hit me? Mother had never laid her hand on me. ''Alison, come back here this instant!'' she demanded as I rushed out of the door.

Ignoring her, I ran away further into the corridor and outside on the sun deck. People were certainly starting to wonder what was wrong with me. It was the second time this had happened. Shaking with sobs, I collapsed onto the nearest deck chair beside the first class entrance, letting the tears flow as the salty air of the ocean soothed me. It was chilly outside tonight.

''Miss?'' A Scottish masculine voice asked in concern as heavy footsteps made their way over to me.

''Go away,'' I hissed, sniffling.

''Alison?'' the familiar voice asked again, and I slowly lifted my head to see a man dressed in a black uniform standing in front of me.

''William?'' I asked, wiping tears hastily. ''Why are you here?''

''I could ask you the same question,'' he replied, stopping in front of me. ''I was on my rounds and saw you here.''

''I had an argument with my mother.'' I rolled my eyes.

''Would you like to tell me?'' he asked me gently, grabbing my elbows carefully to help me stand.

''Well...'' I trailed off hesitantly, shivering at the contact.

As I lifted my head to meet his eyes, my stomach turned at the intensity of his emotions. There was compassion, sadness, and another one that I did not dare to place.

Swallowing with difficulty, I bit my lower lip, unsure of what I should do.

''Listen, I just finished my shift. Would you allow me to invite you for a cup of tea, and then maybe we can talk?''

''I'd like that.''

Together we made our way in silence over to the mess hall. It was just the two of us in the room. The other officers were certainly asleep or on watch. William led me to a long, wooden table in the middle of the room, and I took a seat on one of the chairs. He left me with my questioning as he went to get the promised tea. I'd have felt better if I told someone, but would he see me differently?

''Here you go.'' Will's voice took me out of my thoughts, and I took the steaming cup that he was handing me.

''If I may inquire, what had you so upset up on deck?'' he asked, sitting next to me as I took a sip of tea.

There it was, the question that I dreaded. Deciding to go with my first choice, I set the cup on the table and wrapped my hands around it as if the heat emanating from it would comfort me, then turned to face Will.

''My mother noticed I have been distracted and haven't been listening to my peers lately. Then our discussion wandered to my marriage with Jonathan...'' I paused and saw the officer avert his gaze, looking pained for a short second. Taking a deep breath to calm my racing heart, I continued, ''I told her that I didn't want to become his wife because he's abusive and disrespectful to me, but she didn't listen. Many times, I've tried to discuss with her my desire not to marry him, but she never listens. She's convinced that he will make a good husband.''

''Well, if the man has money, then I'm sure he can provide for you.'' I could tell every word pained him.

''All I want is a man who respects me and loves me. Is it too much to ask?''

''No, of course it isn't.'' He shook his head with a small mouth-closed smile.

I averted my eyes as if his gaze was fire. ''Thank you for listening to me.''

''Don't thank me, Alison. It's the least I can do. If I may ask, how did you become engaged to Mr. Anderson?''

Biting my lower lip, I looked down at the table. ''Tired of seeing me refuse to marry any suitor presented to me, Mother decided to arrange a marriage with a good friend of hers who happened to be Jonathan,'' I explained, feeling this lump in my throat grow heavier and bigger by the second.

I squeezed my eyes shut to suppress the tears as I opened up to a complete stranger. A complete stranger I felt I had known all of my life.

''He proposed during a charity event my mother had organized. Hundreds of people were there. I had no choice but to accept.''

Will's hand wiped a tear that rolled on my cheek. and his hand grabbed mine.

''Why did you refuse to marry them? Those suitors, I mean,'' he asked as I opened my eyes, and my heart jumped in my chest, seeing our faces were close.

''I didn't love them.''

''Alison?'' he asked tentatively.

''Yes?''

''If you do not wish to answer, I understand, but I would like to know why you attempted to end your life and what Lights said that convinced you not to jump.''

I remained silent as I stared into his eyes. Feeling that I could trust him, I decided to tell him what he wanted to know.

''I attempted to do it because I felt there was no way out of my engagement,'' I whispered, looking down at my cup of tea and reluctantly removing my hand from his to take a sip.

''Jonathan lays a hand on me and insults me whenever it suits him. Mother just doesn't listen to me,'' I continued shakily. ''Charles... Charles told me it wasn't worth it to end my life for some beast of a man. He also told me he'd never forgive himself if he let me. All of this made me realize that someone... someone outside of my family and friends cares.''

''He and I care. We purely, truly do, Alison. You're a wonderful woman who deserves to live. I'm glad he made you realize that you do.'' William smiled and gently took my hand in his again.

''I'm glad too.'' I nodded, returning his smile and looking down at our hands, loving how every bone and every line flawlessly matched. ''It's my turn to ask you a question.'' I giggled, looking up at him, wanting to discover more about him.

''What would that be?'' he asked curiously, the smile never leaving his lips.

''How long have you known Charles? You two seem to be good friends.''

''Indeed, we are. I've known him for 12 years.'' William grinned.

''12 years... that's a long time,'' I whispered, amazed, able to tell he was happy to have known someone that long. ''How did you two meet?''

''We met on the Medic in 1900. I was third officer and Charles was fourth officer at the time.''

''When did you start your seafaring career?''

''I started in 1889 on the Charles Cotesworth, a Barque going to San Francisco, just after graduating from high school.''

''So that's...''

''23 years,'' we said simultaneously, and I laughed.

''You must be an excellent sailor then.''

''That's what everybody says.'' He shrugged with a small smile.

''If you and Charles are good friends, then I'm sure there isn't a dull moment with him.''

Chuckling, Will shook his head. ''No, not at all. I'll never forget this day in October 1900. We were serving on the Medic, and he took a lifeboat into port with two crewmembers. They climbed the tower of Fort Denison in Sydney Harbour, raised a Boer Flag, and lit a canon.''

''I'm sure it was panic everywhere!''

''Oh, yes!'' He laughed. ''Lights' plan was to make the locals believe that a Boer raiding party was attacking Sydney and had captured the fort.''

''Silly Lights.'' I giggled, shaking my head. Who knew a professional officer like Charles was a prankster at heart?

We fell into a comfortable silence, and William leaned in closer. As I held his gaze, I found myself leaning in as well. Our lips touched in a velvety caress. The feel of his lips on mine was soft and warm. If anyone saw us like this together, they'd have the shock of their lives. I only hoped that we'd be left alone even if just for a little while. Tentatively, I raised my hands and cupped his face. Before the kiss could be deepened further, Will broke it first.

''Forgive me, Alison. I had no right to do that,'' he apologized, pulling away from me, and I lowered my hands. ''You are promised to another man, and I just took advantage of you.''

''You did not do anything wrong. I— I wanted to kiss you,'' I said barely above a whisper.

What if I ruined everything with just one kiss?

''It is late. I— I should return to my cabin. Thank you for the tea.''

''Goodnight, Alison.'' He placed a polite kiss on my cheek and watched me as I left the mess hall, not looking behind my shoulder and keeping my head down.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Titanic belongs to its owners.**
> 
> **A big thank you to Prairie Princess and hmweasley for their help.**
> 
> **Here's the next chapter, posted exactly on the day the real Titanic left Southampton for her ill fate. This chapter is for all of those people who boarded the ship with a heart filled with hope and dreams.**
> 
> **I hope you'll enjoy. Don't forget to review, favourite and follow! Thank you to those who did.**
> 
> **Suggestions are always welcome. :)**

_''If you're going to have to choose between me and someone else, pick them. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who is going to question if they made the right choice.''_

_April 12th, 1912_

What was wrong with me?

I had kissed a man, a stranger, and I had enjoyed every second of it. The kiss had been warm, timid and loving. It had been a terrible mistake to go see the officers. Their faces continued to invade my mind and only made the situation worse. Now I couldn't seem to stay away from them. This fire inside of me was growing by the second. I would not be able to put it out before it was too late.

It _was_ too late.

Yesterday, sleep had taken a while to come when I got back to my cabin. Mother had ruined my night with her visit and reminding me of my place in the society. Charles worried me with his distant attitude towards me. It was none of my concern, but I couldn't help feeling like he didn't want to be around me. The time spent with William had been incredible. He didn't know me but was willing to listen to me and support me the best he could. Someone who listened was all that I needed.

''Alison?''

A raspy, low, irritated, and familiar masculine voice took me out of my thoughts.

''Alison?'' it demanded again, harsher this time, grabbing my arm tightly. ''What is the matter with you?''

Turning my head in its direction, I saw a face I didn't want to see in the Verandah Café this afternoon.

''Nothing, Jonathan,'' I muttered, averting my eyes. "I didn't sleep well."

''I expect you to behave today as a woman such as yourself is supposed to, Alison. Your attitude yesterday was rude and disrespectful! I will not be humiliated that way again! Is that understood?'' He narrowed his blue eyes, squeezing my arm tighter and harder.

Whimpering in pain, I shook my head quickly, trying to remove my arm, his touch biting like cold in the winter.

''I didn't hear you,'' he growled.

''Yes...'' I managed to say shakily.

''Good.'' He smirked, releasing my arm and turning around to greet Ruth, Cal, Rose, Thomas Andrews, Maggie Brown, and Bruce Ismay who were joining us at our table.

* * *

 ''She is the largest moving object ever made by the hand of man in all of history.''

Here we go again talking about the _Titanic_. They always mentioned her every single time we gathered together. I could understand that she was the most beautiful ship ever built, but her owner made her look like she was the only ship out there.

''Oh, _please,_ Mr. Ismay...'' I rolled my eyes exasperatedly. ''The _Titanic_ isn't the only ship out there. She's a real beauty, I'll give you that. We can thank Mr. Andrews for that,'' I added with a smile and a slight bow of the head to Mr. Andrews, her designer, and he returned the gesture. ''There are many beautiful ships out there.''

''Alison!'' Jonathan hissed in my ear. ''What did I say?''

I didn't say anything and held his cold, hard gaze, silently telling him that I had the right to give my opinion whether he liked it or not.

''I may have knocked her together, but the idea was Mr. Ismay's.''

I chuckled softly at Mr. Andrews' modesty about his role in her creation. He did most of the hard work while Mr. Ismay did nothing but have the idea to build her. Although the president of the White Star Line was one of those people I considered pretentious, I had to admit we wouldn't have a beautiful Queen of the Ocean if it wasn't for his idea.

''He envisioned a steamer so grand in scale and so luxurious in its appointments that her supremacy would never be challenged,'' Mr. Andrews continued, pouring passion and pride into his words. I could tell that he loved his creation, and I hoped I hadn't hurt his feelings by stating my opinion.

''And here she is, willed into solid reality,'' he finished, taping the wooden table with his hand for emphasis.

''We'll both have the lamb, rare, with very little mint sauce,'' Cal ordered for both him and Rose. Couldn't the man let his fiancé choose what she wanted to eat? I glared at Cal and shot Rose in front of me a sympathetic look. She smiled faintly at me in response.

''You like lamb, right, sweet pea?'' he asked, turning to look at her, needing confirmation just so he wouldn't be humiliated. She simply gave him a large, fake, sarcastic mouth-closed smile in response.

''I'll have the salmon, _not the sausage_. Thank you,'' I interjected as Jonathan did the same with me, and he shot me a dirty look. Well, I wasn't going to let him choose what I was going to eat, was I?

''Are you going to cut her meat for her, too, there, Cal?''

Sensing an uncomfortable silence, Maggie decided to change the subject.

''Hey, who thought of the name 'Titanic'? Was it you, Bruce?'' she asked with a smile, glancing between Mr. Andrews and Mr. Ismay.

''Yes, actually,'' the latter replied, too smugly for my taste.

Feeling dizzy, I took some water to try to make this feeling go away. I needed air.

''I wanted to convey sheer size. And size means stability, luxury, and above all, strength.''

''Do you know of Dr. Freud, Mr. Ismay?'' Rose asked, bringing everyone's attention to her. ''His ideas about the male preoccupation with size might be of particular interest to you.''

Understanding what she meant, Maggie nodded in approval with a smile, Mr. Andrews choked on a grape, and I almost spit out my water at Rose's comment.

''What's gotten into you?'' Ruth hissed through her teeth.

''Excuse me.''

My friend got up from her chair and left the café to go outside. Well done, Rose, well done. I could tell Cal and Mr. Ismay were deeply humiliated by her words, which extracted a small smirk from me.

''I do apologize...''

''May I leave, Mother? I need air.''

''Alison...''

''Please, Mother. I don't feel well.''

She nodded, and I left to join Rose outside on the promenade deck.

* * *

 ''You should have seen Cal's and Mr. Ismay's faces, Rose.'' I chuckled softly as I laid my hands on the large railing in front of us.

She snorted in amusement and stared at the horizon.

From the corner of my eye, I saw someone below on the stern deck staring at us intently. I noticed it was a young blond-haired man in his twenties. His clothes were worn out and dirty, which indicated he wasn't a first class passenger. He wore light brown pants, dark leather boots, and a brown long-sleeved shirt over a white one with beige suspenders. The soft, delicate breeze flew in strands of hair falling on his tanned forehead. I had to admit he was rather handsome.

''Rose, a man is staring at you,'' I whispered, elbowing her to get her attention.

''A third class man, really?'' she whispered, not paying him much attention.

''He is still staring at you,'' I added as he didn't move an inch from where he was sitting beside two other men. She shrugged after shooting him another disinterested glance.

Heavy footsteps hitting the wooden floor were making their way to us, and we looked up to see Cal approaching with a scowl across his face.

''Do you realize that you just humiliated Mr. Ismay and me?'' he growled, grabbing Rose's forearm roughly to get her attention.

''Leave me alone!'' she hissed, yanking her arm away and walking past him.

''She's a grown up lady. You're not her father!''

''If I were you, I wouldn't want Jonathan to know that you spoke to me that way.''

''I'd like to see you try.'' I raised my chin defiantly, which only made him smirk more.

''Leave it, Alison.'' Rose sighed, dragging me with her back inside to go eat lunch, but a solid, warm mass crashed into me and made me jump backward.

''Where do you think you're going?''

Before I could reply, Jonathan's hand collided with my cheek so hard I fell down on the floor. Rose then rushed to help me stand up. Thanking her, I stood on my feet, still stunned by the slap I'd received.

"I'm fine. He just slapped me." I assured her as she checked my cheek.

"A big bruise is forming. That is not fine!"

"At least my cheekbone isn't broken."

"It could be."

"Rose... I've had worse."

Like that time he was so angry he pushed me against the wall, and I hit my head on it.

Tears began to fall from the sting on my cheek, and I raised a hand on it to try to hide the reddened mark and forming bruise then turned to Jonathan.

''I only stated my opinion! Tell me, what's so bad about it?''

''Oh, I'll tell you what is bad about it!'' he spat. ''I told you to behave, Alison, but _of course_ you didn't listen to me,'' he hissed, gritting his teeth.

''No one tells me what I should and shouldn't do.''

''Of course _not_.'' He snorted and raised his hand again.

''Sir, I will ask you to lower your hand and stand back.''

Confused, I looked up to see a face I didn't expect to see this afternoon. Feeling my heart race, my eyes widened as my breath hitched, and my stomach turned as I saw Charles.

''What makes you think I should listen to you? You're nothing but a sailor,'' Jonathan scoffed, rolling his eyes.

''He may be a sailor, but he is a much more honourable man than you will ever be!'' I spat, glaring at him.

Charles' light blue baffled gaze met my green one, and I offered him a gentle smile before turning my attention on Jonathan.

''You—" he growled, ready to hit me again.

''Sir! I said stand back, or I will fetch the Master at Arms. The rest of the voyage will not be pleasant to you if I do," the second officer cut him off in warning, grabbing his hand firmly to stop him from attacking me.

My fiancé slowly stood back, not wanting people to see him with the Master at Arms and thus ruin his reputation. After making sure I was all right a second time, Rose went back inside the ship when she saw that Charles had the situation under control.

''Come, dinner is served.''

''You can go back,'' I said harshly. ''I am not hungry anymore.'' I shook my head, looking down at the wooden floor.

Narrowing his eyes, he didn't say anything and went back inside.

''Are you alright, Alison? Did he hurt you?''

''He... he slapped me. It is nothing I am not used to.'' I snorted bitterly, shaking my head, fighting back tears. ''I have a bruise, but I'll be fine, I promise.''

He shook his head, taking a step towards me and carefully, tentatively taking my hand in his.

''I'm just glad you came before he injured me.''

''Me too.''

I smiled, and he smiled back.

''Care to walk with me?''

''Sure.'' I nodded, taking the arm he was offering me. We walked together on the decks of the _Titanic_ as muffled conversations from passengers and orders from crew members surrounded us.

''Aren't you supposed to be on watch?''

''Well, my shift is finished. I start at 18h this evening.''

''You should get some rest after lunch,'' I said, knowing that the officers, especially the juniors, had little sleep. ''I don't want to keep you from getting some.''

''No, it's nothing, really.'' He shook his head.

''If you say so,'' I muttered.

''You care a lot about others.''

''Only those close to me.''

His lips tugged up softly into a smile, and I returned the gesture. Our eyes locked, and we both averted our gazes, not knowing what to say or do.

''I've been thinking about asking you this question for some time now.''

He cleared his throat nervously, which made me look up at him curiously. My heart beat fast in my chest as I wondered what it was that he wanted to ask me.

''I was wondering if you would like to join me for dinner this evening.''

''Is this an attempt to seduce me, _Mr. Lightoller_?'' I smirked, arching an eyebrow.

''Perhaps.'' He chuckled softly. ''Anyone would be a fool not to try to seduce a beautiful lady such as yourself.''

I laughed, playfully hitting his arm. "Are you aware that it's inappropriate?"

''Oh, but I do." He nodded softly, sadly. "What do you say?"

For a short second, I debated with myself if I should accept or not. I was engaged. People would ask questions; Jonathan would certainly give me another beating; and Mother would remind me of my place in the society. It would be nice for a change to spend the night with the officers, away from my people. The idea that he was trying to seduce me was also thrilling.

"I accept." I grinned.

"I'll come pick you up at 17h. Is that alright with you?'' he asked as we stopped in front of the 1st class entrance.

''Yes. How should I dress?''

''A casual dress should be fine.''

''Alright. I look forward to seeing you, Charles.'' I smiled, opening the entrance's door.

''And I you,'' he replied, placing a sweet kiss on my cheek before I disappeared into the ship with a pleased smile and a blush on my cheeks.

* * *

 That evening, I pretended to be sick to meet Charles. The simple thought of disobeying society sent a rush of adrenaline through me. Although I could have declined his offer, the thought of seeing him again thrilled me.

So he thought I was a beautiful woman. A soft smile appeared on my lips as his words echoed in my mind. I wanted to look beautiful for him. Never in my entire life had I wanted to look beautiful for a man.

I asked my maid to fetch me one of my everyday dresses. She asked why I wasn't joining my family, but I didn't reply. She was suspicious, but I was glad she didn't press the matter. Although I knew I could trust her, I didn't want to risk her telling my mother that I was seeing a man.

The first layer of the dress I had chosen to wear was a beige jacket that fell a little below my hips with the front split into two. The lapels of the jacket, the buttons, and the holes for my pockets on each side of the waist as well as the forearm were a pale blue colour. Just above my right breast was a small flower of the same colour. The second layer was a simple blue skirt that fell below my ankles. At my feet were matching small heels. After pulling up my black hair into a tight, elegant chignon, I dismissed my maid, knowing that Charles would come soon. When the clock hit 17h, I heard a knock on the door and went to open it.

"Good evening, Charles."

His mouth opened, and not a sound left his lips. His blue eyes widened slightly when they landed on me.

"You... you look lovely this evening, Alison," he said after a long, uncomfortable silence.

"Thank you." I smiled shyly, looking down at my feet to try to hide the blush on my cheeks. "You're not too bad yourself."

Smiling, he handed me his arm, and we made our way over to the mess hall, making sure to avoid crew members and passengers. Who knew what would happen if they saw us together. When we entered the mess hall, I had the surprise of seeing Will and two other officers. I averted my gaze, feeling my heart beat fast and a lump form in my throat.

"Lads, do you remember Miss Adams? We had dinner with her family at the Captain's table."

"Of course I do. I'm Sixth Officer James Moody," one of the officers said, taking my hand in his and placing a polite kiss on my knuckles. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"Finally?" I asked incredulously as I took my hand back. Something told me these men knew more about me.

"Yes. Mr. Lightoller and Mr. Murdoch here wouldn't stop speaking about you." The other officer chuckled, which earned him a glare from the two highest ranking officers present. "I'm Fifth Officer Harold Lowe, but you can call me Harry." He smiled.

"Oh." I bit my lower lip nervously and looked down at my feet in an attempt to avoid Will's and Charles' gazes. If they spoke of me, then it only meant that they had taken a liking to me.

"It's a pleasure to meet you both."

"Take a seat."

Charles pulled out a chair from the same long, wooden table where Will and I had exchanged our first kiss. It felt strange to be here in the presence of both men. It was as if I was betraying them by spending the night with Charles. What? I had all the right to spend the night with whomever I wanted. Thanking him silently, I took a seat at the table.

* * *

 Throughout the night, the officers had made me laugh with their stories and banter. Apparently, all of the officers knew each other from previous services, except Harold.

"I have to tell you what happened to my father's officers!" I said between laughs as the memories of this little incident came back to me.

As I said those words, all eyes were on me, curious and surprised to know that I understood ships. Well, except Will who knew my father was behind that knowledge.

Swallowing my food, I explained, "It was a windy day on our way to England from Australia. I was with my father on one of our sailing ships, a three masts one, the Nemesis."

"I'm sure it was a beautiful ship," Charles commented and shoved a fork full of his food into his mouth.

"Sure was." I nodded, smiling. "The hull was a beautiful black and beige colour. A lovely ship. It was one of my favourites."

"What happened to the men?"

"I'm getting there! Impatient, aren't you, _Mr. Moody_?"

"Oh hush!" He chuckled and chewed on his food, listening to my story.

I shook my head, smirking. "So after one officer tied one of the ropes of a sail, he went to another one."

Not a sound left their lips as they listened while eating. A small smile spread on my lips at the sight, loving how captivated they looked.

''Suddenly, he heard a flapping noise and turned around to see the sail flying! He went to tie it securely but had trouble with it because of the wind. Men went to help him, and they all ended up holding each other above the sea!''

''In the ocean, that's where they ended up?" Harold said.

"Obviously." Just as I said that, they burst into laughter, and I joined them.

"No one got hurt?" Will asked, concerned.

"No. Thank god, no." I smiled.

"Good." He nodded with a small, relieved smile. "Must have been one funny sight."

"Oh, yes!"

To be honest, I was glad to be with the officers tonight instead of with my peers. Exchanging with them was pleasant and easy. The food was simple but delicious. Sharing dinner with these men was like meeting old friends again. It was refreshing. I wasn't a first class lady in their eyes. To them, I was just a woman who had agreed to spend the night with them. It looked like they had accepted me into their group.

Sometimes, Charles whispered into my ear and extracted a laugh or a smile from me. Whenever he did that, I saw Will avert his gaze from the corner of my eye. He looked rather pained, but I could not tell exactly what he was feeling or thinking. I felt bad, but I couldn't ignore Charles' pleasant company beside me.

After dinner, we played poker until the men had to attend their duties. The simple thought of having to leave them made me sad. How I wished to spend more time with these lovely lads.

"I guess I'm the winner," James said, revealing his cards.

"What makes you think you won?" Harold questioned, revealing his game as well. He clearly was the winner.

"I always lose at these games. It's not fair," James groaned.

"It's not about winning, James. It's all about playing." I smiled, patting him on the shoulder, and he smiled back.

"I shall leave you. Duties await me," Charles said, standing up from his chair. "Have a good night."

"I shall leave you as well," I added, reluctantly standing up from my chair. I didn't want to go back yet, but I knew I had to. My family was certainly wondering where I was. "It's been a pleasure. Have a good night and safe watches."

Thank you and good nights were thrown our way as Charles handed me his arm, and we made our way to the exit. Feeling eyes on me, I looked over my shoulder to see Will watching me leave. He looked away when he saw that I had caught him, and I looked back in front of me, feeling my heart sink.

* * *

 ''Thank you for inviting me. I had a wonderful time.''

''Thank you for coming.'' He nodded, smiling, and I placed a hand gently on his. A delicious shiver ran down my spine at the contact of his hand.

We fell into a comfortable silence as we walked outside. It was already dark at this hour of the evening. On the horizon was a blue hue just above the ocean. As we looked higher, the sky changed to become black. Many stars were out in the sky. They shone so bright. In cities, there were not so many of them because of factories and cars that belonged to people of high social classes.

"Oh, look, a shooting star!" I gasped.

"That was a long one." Charles chuckled, and I looked up at him to see our faces inches apart. I could just stand on my tiptoes and kiss him. I wanted to know what his lips felt like, but at the same time, I didn't know if he felt the same way. "Aren't we supposed to wish up on it?"

"I suppose yes. What would you wish for?"

"Something I can't have," he whispered and closed the distance between us. I tensed when I felt his lips on mine. They were soft and warm. Will's face appeared before my eyes. Why was I thinking about another man? I should be thinking about the one who was kissing me! Surprised, I pulled my lips away from his, laid my hands on his chest, and pushed him away from me. Did he just kiss me? Did he just reveal that I was his deepest wish?

"Forgive me, Alison. I had no right to do that. I should have asked you..."

"No... No, it's fine." I shook my head, fighting back tears. "I should leave you. You have duties to attend."

"Have a good night, Alison. Please, allow me to escort you."

"No... no, Charles. You're already running late."

''But Jonathan—''

''He's with the other gentlemen in the smoking room. I'll be fine, don't worry,'' I cut him, smiling at him reassuringly then walked past him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

There was this heavy lump in my throat. Tears were starting to form in my eyes. When did he start to feel this way about me? Did Will also feel this way about me? Was it why he couldn't look me in the eye during dinner? I didn't want Charles to see me upset and think he was the cause of this whirlpool of emotions.

Tears blinded me as I walked over to my stateroom. Shaking with sobs and breathing heavily, I fumbled with the doorknob and groaned in frustration. Where was it? My chest hurt. Please, make this burning pain in my chest stop! After moments of fumbling with the doorknob, I opened the door and closed it. Legs shaking, I wobbled and slid down the door, letting tears fall. A short pain shot through me from the impact with the floor, but I ignored it as I cried with my head on my knees.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So this is the seventh chapter. Here's the ultimate decision. Who will Alison choose? Will or Charles? You'll see below. :) I hope you'll enjoy, suggestions are always welcome and thank you to those who reviewed.**

_''Don't mess with someone's feelings just because you're unsure of yours.''_

** Chapter 7 **

_April 13th, 1912_

''Rose, First Class passengers are not allowed in steerage!'' I hissed lowly as we walked on the decks of the Titanic before noon. The weather was sweet today for a third day at sea. The sky was clear, and there was no cloud in sight.

'' _Alison._ You're seeing two men from working class.''

I sighed, shaking my head. Could it be possible that someone had caught Rose's interest? Or perhaps she just wanted to see how people in this class lived?

''Alright. Let's go see them.''

Smiling, she made her way over to the Third Class entrance at the front of the ship, making sure no one saw us.

As we made our way down the main stairwell, we heard laughter, conversations in various languages and a cheerful piano tune. Some third class passengers shot us curious, even scared looks. The large area where we were looked like a common room.

''He's there...''

Frowning softly, I followed Rose's gaze, having no idea who she was talking about. Suddenly, my eyes caught sight of the blond-haired man from yesterday afternoon. A small brown-haired girl of around five years old was sitting beside him on a bench in front of us. Her hand moved repeatedly on what looked like a brown leather portfolio. Sometimes the man encouraged her when she did something that he felt she should be proud of. A small, content smile was playing on his lips, and strands of hair fell on his forehead whenever he lowered his head to look at the sheet of paper in front of them.

''How about we go see them?'' I asked her, and she nodded.

Without hesitating, we carefully made our way over to the man and the little girl. As we walked, some passengers greeted us, and we returned the gesture warmly. Seeing that we acknowledged them, more of them greeted us.

''Cora, it's time to go. Say goodbye to Uncle Jack.''

''Bye, Uncle Jack.'' She got off the bench and followed a couple, holding the man's hand and waving her own.

''Bye, Cora,'' the one she was referring to as Uncle Jack said with a warm smile, waving back at her.

A man behind him tapped him on the shoulder. He turned to look behind his soulder, and his friend pointed at us. Turning to look in front of him, he raised his eyebrows in surprise upon seeing us and stood up from his seat.

''You're good with children.'' Rose smiled.

''I try to be.'' He shrugged, smiling back slightly.

''You're her uncle?'' I asked, raising an eyebrow.

''No.'' He laughed, and Rose's smile widened at the warmth in his laughter. ''Just a close friend.''

''It certainly seems like you are.'' I smiled at him.

Smiling, he shoved his hands nonchalantly in his brown trousers pockets.

''I'm Jack. Jack Dawson,'' he introduced himself and turned to look at his right side. ''This is Tommy Ryan.''

''Pleasure to meet you,'' he said with a hint of an Irish accent.

Rose and I offered him a smile with a nod of the head.

''And this is Fabrizio with his friend Helga.''

''I pleased to meet you,'' the man replied in broken English.

As for Helga, a fair-skinned, blonde-haired woman, she simply offered us a smile, and I figured she didn't understand much what was said except her name.

''I'm Alison Adams.''

''And I'm Rose DeWitt Bukater.''

''You might have to write that one down.'' Jack chuckled, and Rose giggled softly.

During the whole presentation, I noticed that Rose's gaze never left Jack.

''The weather is lovely outside. Care to join us?''

Blinking in surprise, I turned to look at Rose. Did she just ask these people to join us?

''Sure.'' Jack grinned, taking his portfolio with him and following us.

From the corner of my eye, I noticed that Fabrizio and Tommy were staring at Rose in surprise. As for Jack, he playfully smacked Tommy's shoulder with his portfolio when he passed beside him.

* * *

The three of us talked together, walking on the many decks of the ship. Jack was the one who spoke the most, and Rose looked fascinated with him. She had every reason to be. Today was the first day I'd seen Rose happy, and I had to admit happiness looked lovely on her.

We learned that Jack had travelled the world ever since the age of 16 when his parents died. He didn't tell us the reason why, and I didn't press the matter, imagining just how painful it must be.

We even had the pleasure of seeing his drawings. Every detail and shade of grey was captured perfectly. It was as if he had captured someone on a blank sheet of paper. Sadly, Paris didn't think too much of the pictures. Well, it was their loss if they had rejected such incredible talent.

Jack and Rose discussed the places they wanted to see and also spoke of art, a mutual interest. He made her dream with his adventures in various countries such as France and Italy, where he had surely met his friend Fabrizio.

Feeling like I was bothering them and wanting to leave them alone in their own little world, I bid them a good afternoon and went to read a novel on one of the deck chairs.

* * *

''Oh!''

A loud thud and a feminine gasp at my feet made me look up from my book. A woman with blond hair was on her knees on the wooden floor. Worried she might have injured herself, I quickly put my book down on the chair and went to help the woman up.

''Are you alright, miss?'' I asked tentatively as she stood up on her feet, replacing her large black hat on her head.

''Yes, thank you.'' She smiled at me then her brown eyes widened. ''Are you—Are you Miss Adams, Mr. Anderson's fiancée?''

''Yes... How do you know me?'' I asked, squinting my eyes.

''I was his fiancée before you.''

''Oh, really? When?''

''I was engaged to him a couple of years ago,'' she replied, lowering her head, swallowing with difficulty. My gaze softened as I saw how talking about her previous engagement pained her. ''His father wanted his son to find a wife so he could pass his company to him.''

''He also said that to my mother...''

I slowly lead this mysterious woman to the deck chairs where I had been a moment before. Perhaps she could provide some help to me. Without hesitating, she took place on the other chair next to mine and turned to face me. Our situations coincided. This was strange, incredibly strange.

''Miss Adams, you must leave him. He is dangerous.''

''Oh, I'm sure it _is_ easy, miss.'' I snorted, rolling my eyes.

''Miller. Helen Miller.''

''Helen.''

''Believe me, I know it is _not_ easy.'' She sighed quietly, placing a gentle hand on mine. ''He almost ended my life in a fit of rage. I don't want that to happen to you, Miss Adams.''

''Thank you for your concern, Helen.'' I searched her brown eyes for any sign that could betray her, but I saw none, which worried me. ''Please, call me Alison. He... he did? But... how?''

She nodded her head softly in response, blinking a few times to fight back tears.

''We had a heated argument outside of our house about me not obeying him. He was so angry he pushed me down the stairs. Thank God I only had a broken leg.''

I raised my eyebrows. The more she spoke, the more her situation coincided with mine.

''I'm terribly sorry to hear that.'' I bit my lower lip nervously and continued, ''Something similar happened to me. How should I leave him?''

''Send him a letter explaining that you will not marry him. That way, you will be safe from his anger. Or you could hide somewhere where he won't find you.''

Frowning, I looked down at my hands, pondering over her words. Writing a letter was worth a try. If I told Jonathan I was not going to marry him he'd give me a beating, and I was tired of it.

''Alright,'' I finally said, looking up at her and nodding with a soft smile. ''I will. Thank you, Helen.''

''You're most welcome, Alison.'' She smiled back at me, looking pleased. ''I shall leave you now. Have a good day.''

''Have a good day as well.''

She stood up from her chair, and I watched her leave. Did she really trip or was it a way to get my attention to tell me that I had to leave my fiancé? What if writing Jonathan a letter wouldn't be enough? What if he'd find it and confront me about it? At least, I would have told him how I felt about our engagement.

* * *

''Are you ready for tea?''

''Yes, Mother! I'm coming. Just give me a minute!''

This afternoon, I had done what Helen had told me to do. It had been difficult to find the right words not to offend him. Anything could set his anger off. I then re-read the letter a second time to make sure there was no grammatical or spelling mistake.

_Jonathan, today I have decided to break off our engagement. I'm sorry to tell you that I cannot be your wife. It has been that way since the day we first met. We were never meant to be together._

_Breaking someone's trust is like crumpling up a piece of paper. You can smooth it over, but it will never be the same again. I am that piece of paper because of the poor way you've been treating me ever since we got engaged._

_If I cannot be your wife, I'm sure someone else can. I hope you find the woman you deserve._

_Alison Adams_

As I re-read the words I had written in neat and delicate handwriting, a feeling of relief washed over me and made me laugh softly to myself.

''Hurry up, Alison!''

Without a word, I folded the piece of paper into two and wrote Jonathan's name on one side. I then set it on the table in the middle of the room and went to meet my mother, who was waiting outside the door.

* * *

Leaning against the side of the A deck, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, smiling as the dry, salty air entered my nose. The sound of a throat clearing caught my attention. Frowning softly, I opened my eyes and turned around to see a young couple having a good time not far away from me. Squinting my eyes, I noticed a red-haired woman. She looked a lot like Rose. No, wait, it was her. Jack was with her.

He grabbed the edge of the promenade deck, arched his neck, cleared his throat and spat into the ocean. He then turned to look at Rose, pointing at the lumps in the water. Beside him, Rose was attempting to imitate him. It looked like he was teaching her how to spit. Shuddering, I shook my head. It certainly wasn't a proper thing to do for a lady, but at least she was having fun.

She looked genuinely... _co_ _ntent_. Before she met Jack, life was slowly leaving her, but now it had returned, and I silently thanked him for having been in her path.

''Alison?''

Gasping, I jumped and placed a hand on my racing heart, turning around to meet a familiar Scotsman. What was Will doing here?

''Oh, Will... it's you.''

''Of course.'' He smiled, his blue eyes lighting up when I looked at him. ''Did I startle you? I apologize.''

''Don't worry.'' I giggled, my heart slowly regaining a normal pace. ''What are you doing here?''

He cleared his throat, shifting nervously from one foot to another.

''I was looking for you.''

''Me?''

He nodded softly, grabbing my wrists, careful not to hurt me, and dragging me with him towards two deck chairs at the back of the promenade deck. He sat down on one of them, inviting me to do the same. After taking a seat on one of the chairs, I took a deep breath to calm my heart, wondering what he had to tell me.

''Alison, we've known each other for only four days. During those days, I've grown to enjoy your company. I'd be lying if I said that seeing you with Charles last night didn't affect me...''

''W—what?''

''I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you.''

''You love me?'' I stuttered, feeling tears well up in my eyes. So that was the reason behind his distant and pained attitude yesterday.

''Yes. You're kind, funny, intelligent and beautiful. What is there not to love?''

My chest compressed painfully, and my breathing increased. Those three little words wouldn't leave my lips. I couldn't say them. I didn't want to cry, but hearing Will say that he was in love with me troubled me. What if I didn't feel the same way?

''Alison? Please, say something,'' he whispered softly, almost desperately, and I hated myself for hurting him.

''I can't be here... I can't—'' I quickly said, standing up from the chair and backing away from Will. I chewed on my lips, regretting having reacted the way I did when I saw the look of pure, deep hurt on his face.

''Alison...''

''I just can't,'' I cried, turning around to walk away from him quickly as tears fell down my cheeks. I didn't want to turn around to see a heartbroken Will. Although I didn't want to hurt him, I also didn't want to make a mistake in telling him I loved him. I wanted to be sure that I felt the same way.

* * *

''Alison? Can I come in?''

''Rose?'' I asked from where I was.

This evening, I was curled up on my bed, knees pulled up to my chest with my head resting on them. I didn't want to see anyone. My heart, chest and head hurt from all the crying. I didn't expect both Will and Charles to tell me that they loved me. I knew sooner or later I'd have to make a choice, but not so early.

''Yes, it's me. Can I come in?'' she asked again, sounding concerned outside the door.

''Yes. Come in.'' I sniffled, wiping my eyes and nose with a neckerchief.

The door opened slowly to reveal Rose. Her face darkened when she saw me on my bed. She carefully closed the door behind her and immediately sat down beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

''Alison, what is it?''

I bit my trembling lip, trying to find the right words. ''Both Will and Charles told me they love me.''

''Do you feel the same way?''

''I don't know, Rose... I don't know. I like them both.''

''You can't lead them on.''

''I know.''

Sighing softly, she tightened her hold on me, pulling me closer to her. I immediately felt better knowing that I had a friend.

''Which one do you like more?''

''It's difficult to tell.''

''What are you going to do with Jonathan?''

I pointed at the letter on the table in front of my bed. ''He won't be happy, but it's the least I can do.''

''I understand,'' she said sympathetically, knowing how it felt like to be with a controlling fiancé. ''Which one do you always look forward to seeing during the day?''

Good question. I'd have to say Will even though Charles' humour always put me in a good mood. He always managed to make me feel special. His gaze was warm and comforting. It made me feel like he'd move oceans and mountains for me. I'd never felt this way before.

''Will. Definitely.''

A small smile played on Rose's lips. She looked pleased to see that she'd gotten a precise answer from me.

''Which one makes you laugh the most?''

I understood what she was trying to do. She was trying to make me question myself to know the answer. If one man answered most of the questions, then it was him. I decided to join her, loving how her method seemed to work.

''Charles makes me laugh, but Will has his moments too.'' I giggled through the tears.

''Which one do you always think about?''

''Will. I won't lie,'' I whispered. ''I can't stop thinking about him.''

He had even been the first thought when Charles had kissed me. Despite having enjoyed feeling the second officer's lips on mine, I had thought about another man while I shouldn't have.

''Do you mind that he's a sailor?'' Rose asked, rubbing my back while I was trying to breathe normally.

''What kind of question is that?'' I exclaimed, eyes wide. ''Of course not!''

''I'm sorry, I had to ask.''

I shook my head and waved my hand dismissively.

''How are you in his presence compared to when you're with Charles?''

''With Will, I'm more open.'' I paused, measuring my words carefully, not wanting to say the wrong thing. I liked Charles a lot. I couldn't deny that. He was a very kind man. ''When I'm with Charles, we're more playful. We act more like friends.''

''There you go, you have your answer.''

''I do?'' I asked incredulously.

''Yes. Charles is more like a friend to you.''

''Yes, I suppose you're right.''

''What is it, Alison?''

''I...'' I trailed off and shook my head. ''I don't want to hurt either of them, Rose.''

''You can't have them both, Alison.''

I sighed. There was no avoiding hurting one of them, was there?

''If Charles really loves you, he'll understand.''

''Everyone says that.'' I rolled my eyes, but I had to admit that she was right.

She chuckled and helped me up to my feet.

''Jack invited me to a party in third class. If you'd like to join, you're more than welcome.''

''I don't know, Rose. I have to tell Will that I love him. He must be heartbroken,'' I whispered, feeling my heart squeeze painfully at the thought of this wonderful man suffering because of me.

''If you change your mind, we'll be in steerage.''

I smiled slightly at her, pulling her into a tight, warm embrace and thanking her for her support.

''I'll see you at dinner,'' I said, walking outside of the door.

* * *

My eyes caught sight of the second officer walking out of the officers' quarters when I arrived at the bridge. Swallowing hard, my heart raced, and I looked away. Should I go see him or not? I didn't want to hurt him, but at the same time I didn't want to lead him on only to realize I didn't return his feelings.

I slowly took a step towards him, and he lifted his head upon hearing my shoes clicking on the wooden floor. His blue eyes lit up when he saw me. Joy upon seeing him would have filled me usually, but not today.

''Hello.'' I offered him a soft, trembling smile.

''Oh, Alison! It's good to see you. What brings a beautiful lady such as yourself here?''

''I... I...'' I stuttered. ''I need to talk to you.''

''Should I be scared? Everyone knows that the words 'need' and 'talk' don't mix.''

I giggled softly both from nervousness and amusement upon hearing his playful tone. No, not scared. Definitely not scared. I'd say more like hurt, angry, sad, and jealous if he's that kind of man or heartbroken. Just thinking about those words made it difficult to contain my tears.

''No. I... I don't think so.''

''Would you like to come inside for a cup of tea?'' he asked, motioning to the officers' quarters behind him.

''Sure.'' I nodded, following him inside. Charles came back with two cups of tea and took a seat next to me.

''You look troubled. Is anything amiss?''

''Remember what happened yesterday evening?'' I asked tentatively, taking a sip of the steaming tea, seeking comfort in the warmth emanating from it.

''Yes. How can I forget? I should have asked you first.'' He rolled his eyes.

''It's nothing to be sorry about. I enjoyed it.''

''Oh, really? I wasn't that bad?''

''Bad? Far from that.'' I smiled softly at him. His hopes were already high, and I hated myself for it, but his skills were good. ''I wanted to kiss you, so don't worry.''

''That's good to know.'' He chuckled. There was something I couldn't place in his eyes. I took a shaky breath, averting my gaze, dreading what I had to tell him next.

''Your words were 'something I can't have.' You were referring to me, right? I—I can't be yours. My heart belongs to someone else.''

''I... I understand,'' he whispered, disappointment and hurt evident in his tone. It took all of my strength not to cry upon hearing how pained he sounded. ''It's Will, isn't it?''

''Yes.'' I nodded swiftly, not able to look at him in the eyes. ''I love him, Lights, and he loves me too. I wanted you to know that.''

''Thank you... for your honesty,'' he replied softly. ''You're right; it was you. I love you, Alison, but if you love Will, then I won't bother you two.''

''I appreciate that, Lights.'' I smiled at him. ''You'll find the woman you deserve. I'm sure of that.'' I placed a gentle, comforting hand on his.

A small, sad smile spread on his lips as he squeezed my hand lightly.

''I can only hope you're right.''

''Trust me, you'll find someone.''

''Can... can we still be friends?''

''Of course.'' I grinned, and he grinned back, but his smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps and turned to see Will. He looked beyond hurt. Remembering I still had my hand on Charles', I quickly took it back.

''Hello, Alison,'' he greeted me politely, going to make himself a cup of tea. ''Charles.''

His eyes wouldn't meet mine, and I looked down at my hands.

''I guess I'll leave you two.'' The man Will usually called Lights broke the uncomfortable silence, standing up from his chair.

''Have a safe watch,'' I said, watching him leave.

Once he was gone, Will carefully turned to look at me, standing on the other side of the room.

''Why are you here?'' he asked, carefully measuring his words.

''I—I wanted to talk to you.''

''I know what you're going to say,'' he mumbled.

''Do you?'' I challenged him.

''You love Lights, do you?'' I shook my head in response. For a short second, he looked hopeful, but his expression changed to hurt again. ''I saw you two together.''

''No, I don't love him,'' I hissed and looked up into those blue eyes that I loved. ''I came here to tell him that I couldn't be his.''

''Oh,'' he said sheepishly, and I sighed. I couldn't blame him for having thought that I loved his friend. ''Who do you love then?''

''Someone who told me I'm kind, funny, intelligent and beautiful.'' I smiled at him, hoping he'd remember his own words.

''Alison...'' he whispered in disbelief, making his way over to me and placing his cup on the wooden table.

When I stood up, he cupped my face in his hands and crashed his lips to mine. Smiling, I kissed him back and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close to me.

''You have no idea how happy I am...''

''I'm sorry for not having told you earlier. I—I wanted to be sure I felt the same way.''

''Everything's forgiven.'' He smiled and kissed me again.

We kissed for a moment until we had to breathe, and I laid my head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

''I love you.''

''I love you too,'' he replied, placing a kiss on my hair.

We stayed that way until Will's voice broke the comfortable silence between us.

''Alison?''

''Yes?''

''What about Jonathan?''

''I wrote a letter to him.''

''Alison...'' he began in warning.

''I know what you must be thinking, but it's the least I can do.''

He didn't say anything, knowing how Jonathan could be and quickly changed the subject.

''We both love each other.'' I nodded, and he continued when he saw that I didn't say anything. ''Marriage seems to be the only way to escape your situation.''

''Are you—''

''Yes, Alison.''

''Will,'' I trailed off, not knowing what to say. I loved him, I really did, but was marrying him the only way out?

''You don't want to marry me?'' he asked, almost sounding disappointed.

''No—No! I mean...''

''Forgive me, I shouldn't have asked you that.''

I sighed exasperatedly. ''I love you so much, Will. I really do. I'm just not sure if marrying you is the only way out.''

''Think about it, Alison,'' he replied, gently pulling my chin up to make me look into his eyes. "If you agree to become my wife, then you won't have to marry Jonathan because you will already be someone else's wife. We could also leave together when the ship docks."

I had to admit that he was right. A woman asking for divorce was badly viewed. Plus, I had found someone who was worth marrying. I'd be able to live my life without anyone controlling every aspect of it.

''Yes, I'll be your wife.'' I smiled at him, and he smiled back then captured my lips in a deep kiss.

After a while, Will pulled away, reached into a pocket of his black officer's jacket and pulled out a small box.

''This ring belonged to my grandmother, Agnes Murdoch,'' he said, revealing a delicate golden ring with a single, small, sparkling diamond on it. ''She told me to give it to a woman I will love. I want you to have it, Alison.''

''Will, it was your grandmother's...''

''Please, take it. It would mean so much to me.''

I nodded, not able to say no, feeling tears well up in my eyes. Will removed Jonathan's ring and slipped his on my finger.

''I have to leave you, Will. Dinner is being served.''

''Be safe,'' he whispered sadly and pecked my lips. ''Meet me at the bridge after dinner, so we can proceed with the marriage.''

''Are you sure Captain Smith will agree?''

''If he knows just how much you make me happy, then I'm sure he will.''

''Alright. Have a good evening, Will.''

I kissed his cheek and placed a hand on his shoulder as I walked past him.


	8. Chapter 8

_''The couples that are meant to be are the ones who go through everything that's designed to tear them apart and come out even stronger.''_

**Chapter 8**

_April 13th, 1912_

When I came back to my cabin to get dressed for dinner, I had decided to wear a long white dress with silver glitter in the material. The back and front of my dress created reversed triangles. As for the sleeves, they reached my elbows. After my maid had pulled up my hair, I put on a pair of diamond water drop earrings.

Finally dressed, I took Jonathan's arm and followed him to the dining room to meet with my mother, the DeWitt Bukaters, Cal, Maggie Brown, Mr. Andrews, Mr. Ismay, Colonel Gracie, the Countess of Rothes, Mr. Guggenheim, Madame Aubart, and the Astors.

As I spoke to people at our table, I noticed Jonathan was looking at me suspiciously. If I followed his cold glares, I'd see they were directed at Will's ring. He must have not recognized the jewellery. He didn't say anything, but I knew sooner or later he'd confront me about it, so I pretended not to notice his glances.

After dinner, I claimed to be tired to go see Will and proceed with the wedding. Jonathan offered to escort me. Despite not wanting him to follow me, I allowed him to do it. If I had refused, he would have known something wasn't right. Arriving in front of our door, he urged me to enter the stateroom and slammed the door shut behind himself.

_'I guess we can forget about him not being suspicious.'_

''What is that?''

''What is what?'' I asked innocently, pretending I had no idea what he was talking about.

''Don't make me repeat. What is this ring?'' Jonathan demanded, grabbing my wrist. ''Where is the one I gave you?''

''I lost it.''

He scoffed. ''You must have removed it. I read the letter you left on the table.'' He let me go for a short second to pick up said letter. ''You're seeing another man, aren't you? Even if we are engaged, you can't help but look at other men.''

No, no, I wasn't that kind of woman. I would never cheat on my husband or fiancé, but Jonathan was right. I had cheated on him by seeing the senior officers behind his back. They were everything he wasn't. As time passed, I fell in love with Will. Could he blame me for having fallen in love with someone else other than him?

''Answer me when I'm talking to you!'' Jonathan grabbed my shoulders and shook me to bring my attention to him.

''Yes,'' I replied, not able to lie to him any longer. After all, he had already guessed that I was seeing another man. He didn't have to know that I saw not one but two men. He'd be angrier if he knew that.

His facial expression changed to hurt, anger, jealousy, sadness and then back to anger. Without warning, he pushed me against the closest wall and stood inches from my face.

''Who is the man you are seeing? What does he have that I don't?'' he demanded urgently, his cold blue eyes piercing like the waves of the ocean below our feet.

''It's... It's...''

''I don't have all night!''

''It's the First Officer Mr. Murdoch,'' I answered barely above a whisper.

Jonathan lifted his trembling chin and held my gaze, and I felt sorry for him for the first time since I had been engaged to him. Underneath this abusive, controlling man was an insecure boy who always felt the need to put everyone else down to feel in control of his life.

''Again, what does he have that I don't? I doubt it is fortune. Look at him, he's only a sailor.''

''Will you shut that hole in your face?'' I snapped, unable to listen to him anymore.

''You—''

''I am tired of listening to you put everyone around you down!'' I pushed him away from me, fighting back tears. ''I am... so tired of being treated horribly. Will is not like that. He respects me and loves me for who I am.''

''So you're familiar with this sailor.''

''I've been seeing him for some time now.''

''You're nothing but a slut, Alison, you know that?'' Jonathan said angrily.

''I've been seeing him because you can't and won't respect me and love me the way I want you to.''

''Why can't you just accept me for who I am?'' he yelled.

''Why can't you stop insulting me and hitting me, huh? You constantly find reasons to slap me around!''

Jonathan didn't answer, and I figured he had no idea what it was like to love someone without mistreating them. Glaring at him, I walked past him and threw his engagement ring at his feet.

''You're right, I removed your ring. You can take it back.''

With that said, I made my way towards the door, but Jonathan grabbed my arm, held it behind my back, and I yelped in pain.

''You're not going to leave me! Not after everything I've done for you,'' he growled in my ear, his warm breath hitting my skin.

''And what did you do besides treat me horribly?'' I hissed, trashing against him so he could loosen his grip on my arm.

''Protect you from other men who'd try to take you away from me.''

''That is not caring for someone.''

Jonathan threw me to the floor. Stunned, I fought back tears as I sat up.

'You're an unimaginable bastard!'' I cried, lifting my head to glare at him.

''You won't leave me! I won't allow that!'' Jonathan shouted and slapped me across the face when I stood up. ''You will marry me, Alison. What will your mother say if she hears that you refuse yet again to marry a suitor? She will be so disappointed in you.''

''I don't care what she thinks! I'm not going to marry an abusive man.''

''I've never meant to hurt you.''

''Really? It's debatable,'' I said through gritted teeth.

''I do love you, Alison.''

''Is treating me this way love? I'm not so sure.''

''You just want to go see that filthy sailor of yours. Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to go to the smoking room to join the other gentlemen,'' he said calmly, too calmly for my taste. ''As for you, Alison, you will stay here until my return.''

I heard the lock click as I massaged my hurting wrists. He didn't do that, did he? What was Will going to think if he didn't see me at the bridge? How was I going to get out of here?

''Can somebody hear me? I'm locked in my stateroom!'' I cried, shaking the handle and hitting the door with my palm, trying to make as much noise as possible.

I did that for a couple more minutes until I gave up when no came. Sighing in frustration and sadness, I slid down the door, my back against it. Tears streamed freely down my cheeks. Suddenly, I felt the door move behind me and quickly stood up to face it. Was Jonathan coming back to give me a beating or a lecture?

''Who is there?'' I asked warily.

''Rose.''

''And Will.''

Relief washed over me when I heard their voices. Without hesitating, I opened the door and engulfed Rose into a hug. I did the same with Will and crashed my lips to his.

''You'll have plenty of time for that later,'' Rose said. ''You two had better hurry if you want to get married because Captain Smith has to leave soon.''

Will and I ended our kiss, and we followed Rose as we made our way over to the bridge. My heart raced as I realized I was going to get married to a man I loved and who loved me in return. I was going to be free from Jonathan's grasp.

When we arrived at the bridge, Charles was there beside Captain Smith. I gave the second officer a soft smile, which he returned. Although he looked happy for me, I could tell he was upset. My heart squeezed painfully at that thought. The last thing that I wanted was to see this man upset because of unrequited love. Captain Smith looked up when he saw us and gave us a warm smile.

''I was beginning to think you had decided not to get married.''

''Oh no!'' I shook my head.

''Good, now let us proceed with the marriage.''

Smiling, Will brought me over to his superior and turned to face me, holding my hands in his. As for Rose, she took her place next to the captain.

''We have gathered here this evening to celebrate the union of these two people. If anyone is against it, he or she must pronounce him or herself.''

We waited a moment to see if anyone would speak up. I shot a quick glance at Charles behind Will to see if he was against this. He looked terribly upset, but there was a gleam in his eyes that told me he wasn't against me marrying his friend. I smiled at him in thanks and looked back at Will.

''You may now recite your vows. After you, Miss Adams.''

My eyes widened. I should have thought about my vows, but I was preoccupied with other matters. Everyone's eyes were on me, waiting for me to recite them. Swallowing nervously, I decided to say whatever came to mind about my love for Will.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I smiled at him, and he smiled back.

''Sharing my life with a sailor will not be easy, and I am willing to make that sacrifice just to be happy. I promise to be your best friend and a good wife to you.'' My thumb slowly stroked the back of Will's hand as I spoke. ''I will not replace the sea, for the sea will always be the love of your life. I am not perfect, and I will never be, but my love for you will always be true. I love you.''

Will's eyes welled up with tears, and I took a shaky breath, wiping my eyes then replacing my hand in his.

A soft smile played on Captain Smith's lips as I finished.

''After you, Mr. Murdoch.''

''I feel like everything in my life has led me to you, Alison. My choices, my heartbreaks, my regrets. Everything,'' he said, squeezing my hand gently. ''When we're together, my past seems worth it. Because if I had done one thing differently, I might never have met you.'' He paused and took a deep breath then continued, ''I might not always be by your side, but my love will always stay with you. Our life together will be like the sea, and I hope you are ready to sail with me. I promise to listen to you, cherish you and respect you for as long as we both shall live.''

''Mr. Lightoller, go fetch the rope.''

''Yes, sir.'' He bowed his head and went inside of the wheelhouse. Rope? Why would Captain Smith need a rope? That's when Charles came back with a rather thick, long rope and handed it to the captain, who gave it to Will and I.

''You may tie the knot,'' he said.

''What?'' I asked incredulously, not understanding what he meant.

''Alison, we must tie the knot. Here, look.'' Will chuckled and began to create a large nautical knot with the rope.

Now understanding what he meant, I followed his lead and gradually remembered how to do it thanks to my father. Our hands passed above and under the other.

''I now pronounce you husband and wife,'' Captain Smith declared as he took the knot from us. ''You may now kiss the bride.''

Without hesitating, Will wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a deep kiss. Kissing back, I wrapped my arms around his neck. My heart beat fast as I smiled against my husband's lips. Husband. Will was my husband. I was free from Jonathan's grasp. Rose, Charles and even Captain Smith clapped their hands, and we pulled away to hold hands.

''I must leave you now. I will leave you to your festivities,'' he said and turned to look at the officers present. ''Mr. Lightoller and Mr. Murdoch, you will still be on duty tonight.''

''Yes, sir,'' the men replied simultaneously.

''Congratulations,'' he said to Will and I.

''Thank you, Captain, for having accepted to marry Will and I.''

''Do not thank me. I could see how you made him happy.'' He smiled warmly and disappeared into the ship.

''Rose, is the invitation for that party in third class still valid?''

''Yes, of course.'' She smiled, nodding.

''I say let's dance down there with them.''

''I'm sure that party will be so much better than in first class.''

We burst into laughter at Charles' comment and made our way over to the third class decks.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I know Lightoller wouldn't have acted the way he did, but for this story I made him act that way. You'll thank me later ;) Near the end of the chapter, the story will change for a M rating. You don't have to read it if you don't want to. You can just skip until the scene is over. To the others who choose to read it, I hope you enjoy it. Thank you to my readers. You're awesome. I love reading your reviews. They make my day.**

_« Should I smile because you're my friend, or cry because that's all you'll ever be? »_

**Chapter 9**

_April 13th, 1912 – Party in third class_

The sound of Scottish bagpipes, mandolin, accordion, hoop drum, violins and spoons filled the third class common room combined with the laughter and shouting of steerage passengers. Compared to first class, this was better, a million times better.

''Would you like to try some beer?'' Charles asked me, lifting a glass, and I frowned at him.

''I'm not sure,'' I said quietly.

''Come on!''

''How does it taste?''

''It tastes like shite, but you get used to it. After a couple of sips, you'll love it.''

''Trust him,'' Will chipped in.

''Fine.'' I laughed and took the glass Charles was handing me.

My eyes widened in surprise at the bitter taste in my mouth. The contents spilled on my chin and onto my white dress, staining it.

I rolled my eyes as my husband and his best friend laughed at my facial expression.

''Oh god, Alison! You should have seen the look on your face!'' Rose laughed, taking a sip of her beer without spitting it out. I shook my head at her. Well, she had time to get used to the taste.

Turning to look at Will, I grabbed the lapels of his jacket and pressed my lips to his.

''I love you, my handsome husband,'' I whispered, smiling.

''I love you too, my beautiful wife.'' He smiled back and kissed me again.

Rose saw Jack dance with the five-year-old girl we had seen this morning. She smiled and clapped her hands as she watched them.

''Care to have our first dance?'' I asked Will, and he looked at me as if I was out of my mind for asking that. ''What? Don't tell me you don't know how to dance.''

''I really don't know how to dance.''

''Just go with it!'' I grinned and stood up.

''Alright, I'll dance. Just for you.'' He sighed, smiling, placing his cap on the table and his coat on the chair.

After showing Will where he had to place his hands, we let the music guide us as we skipped around the room. Slowly but surely, just the two of us mattered as the world faded away around us. When the song ended, I stole a kiss from Will as we made our way back to our table. He handed me a beer, and took one for himself.

''Will...''

''Oh, just one.''

I glared, reminding him that Captain Smith had told him he was on duty tonight.

''I swear.''

Sighing, I shook my head and took a sip of my drink, forcing myself to swallow it. Well, the taste wasn't so bad after all. When I sat down and looked up, I caught Charles looking grimly at Will.

''Charles?'' He shook his head and looked at me. ''Are you alright?''

''Why is everyone asking me that tonight?'' he groaned, rolling his eyes.

''We're worried about you.''

''Well, I'm fine, I assure you.''

I pursed my lower lip. He didn't look fine. I turned to look at Rose to see Jack practically begging her to dance with him as another song began to play.

''Come on!''

''What?''

''Come with me!'' he repeated, grinning, taking hold of her hand and helping her stand up.

''What? Jack, wait!'' she protested as he dragged her with him. ''I can't do this!''

''We have to get a little bit closer.'' He pulled her closer to him with one hand on her waist. ''Like this.''

''I don't know the steps!''

''Neither do I! Just go with it!''

She laughed nervously as Jack twirled her around.

''Don't think!''

''Yeah!'' She laughed again as they danced, slowly beginning to enjoy herself.

As I watched Jack and Rose dance, I leaned my head on Will's shoulder, intertwining my fingers with his.

''Lights is strange tonight, don't you think?''

''Yes. I have no idea what is the matter with him.''

''I'm worried about him.''

''Me too, but let's not worry about him, Alison. I don't want him to ruin our night.''

''Will...''

''Please?''

I sighed in defeat, and he placed a kiss on the back of my hand.

''Why don't you go make her a woman already?'' a booming voice exclaimed behind us, and we turned around to see Charles glaring at us.

''What is the matter with you?'' Will gasped, clearly surprised, embarrassed and angry with him for referring to me that way in front of other people.

''I said why don't you go make your wife a woman already,'' he repeated, rather drunkenly.

''You've had enough for tonight!'' I stood up from my chair and attempted to take the glass from his grip, but he pushed me aside.

''Do you think it is _easy_ to watch you get married to my best friend?'' he choked, glaring at me. ''Do you think it is _easy_ to watch him make you happy?''

He was on the verge of crying, and I was too. I knew he loved me, but I had no idea he felt so strongly about me.

''I love you, Alison, but no, you chose Will instead of me!''

''Lights, we already had this discussion.'' Tears welled up in my eyes.

''Did... did you love Will when I as—asked you to have dinner with m—me? You should have told me before accepting.''

''I wasn't even sure I loved him,'' I whispered. ''If it is _too_ painful for you, then _why_ didn't you speak up when Captain Smith asked if anyone was against our marriage?'' I asked. ''You—You promised not to bother Will and I!'' I yelled and slapped him across the face.

He winced when my hand collided with his cheek.

''You're clearly happy with him,'' he replied absently.

''You destroyed whatever friendship we have!'' I sobbed, and Rose wrapped her arms around me when she saw the commotion.

''Jack, can you help me get Lights to his cabin?''

''Sure.'' He nodded and stepped forward to help Will drag the second officer to his stateroom.

''I need air,'' I cried, and Rose helped me go outside to the stern deck. ''I can't believe he said that,'' I choked as we sat down on a nearby bench.

''It kills him to watch you be with his friend.''

I could understand that it must be painful for him, but was it a reason to ruin my wedding night? He promised he'd help me be free from Jonathan. Letting me be happy with a man I loved was the least he could do.

''I wonder if they will still be friends after that.''

My breathing increased as I felt my chest compress painfully. Breathing was becoming difficult. Did I ruin Will and Light's friendship by coming into their lives? If I had known meeting them would lead to this, I would never have continued to see them.

''I'm sure they will. They must have had their share of hardship.''

''Yes, I suppose you're right.''

We didn't say anything as Rose rubbed my back. I did my best to control my breathing without hyperventilating and hiccuping.

We heard footsteps and looked up to see Will and Jack coming back. I quickly stood up from my seat and wrapped my arms around my husband's waist, burying my face in his chest.

''That bastard.'' I heard him curse as he wrapped his arms around me.

''He's hurting because Alison chose to be with you.''

''If he really loved her, he wouldn't have spoken about her that way,'' he hissed, shaking his head.

''How is Lights? Did you run into Captain Smith? What did you say?'' I fired questions, clearly concerned about Lights. I couldn't help but care about his well-being and career. He was important to me.

''He's asleep. I told Captain Smith that he had hit his head. We switched morning watches tomorrow.''

I sighed in relief. By the look on his face, his superior must have bought that excuse.

''I should be heading to the bridge.''

''Have a good watch.'' I kissed him and pulled away to straighten the crooked lapels of his jacket. ''Sorry about that.''

He chuckled and kissed my forehead. ''Meet me after my shift?''

''It will be two in the morning!''

''What? I don't have the right to want to spend some time with my wife?''

''Of course.'' I blushed and pushed him over to the bridge.

He smiled and disappeared to attend his duties. Shaking my head softly, I smiled and turned to look at Jack and Rose.

''You two go have some fun,'' I said, pulling them into a hug.

''Goodnight, Alison.''

''You too.''

* * *

That night, I tried to get some rest until I met Will again. Every time I tried to sleep, the _Titanic_ hitting an iceberg and sinking to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean kept playing in my mind. Only this time I was in the water searching for Will, and I came across his lifeless, frozen body floating in the waves.

Gasping, I sat up straight in the bed with sweat trickling down my face. I couldn't lose him. What would my life be without him?

Making sure not to wake up my now ex fiancé, I grabbed a shawl and went outside on the first class decks. I then heard footsteps and turned to see a familiar officer walking in my direction. He stopped in front of me, cupped my face in his hands and pressed his lips to mine.

''Shift finished?'' I asked, pulling away to breathe.

Will nodded. I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him again.

''Alison?'' he asked in concern. He must have sensed my desperation and worry. ''You look troubled.''

''It's nothing to be worried about,'' I said quietly, shaking my head.

''I hate to see you like that, my sweet Alison.''

I sighed and looked down at the wooden floor, not wanting to look into his eyes as I described my nightmare.

''I saw you in the water. You were dead, Will. Dead.''

''I will not let anything happen to the ship or us, my love.''

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. Closing my eyes, I buried my face into his coat, inhaling his scent and listening to the steady beat of his heart.

Once I calmed down, I lifted my head and pulled him into a kiss, blushing at our closeness. I didn't want our kiss to end, and Will seemed to feel the same way because he deepened the kiss and pulled me closer to him, running a hand through my dark, wavy hair. Sighing quietly, I wrapped my arms around his neck and stroked the back of it as we kissed.

''Alison.''

''Hum?''

''People could see us.''

Will took my hand, and we went to his cabin. He pulled me into a long, deep kiss when we arrived in front of his door. I moaned in surprise into his mouth as I fumbled with the doorknob. Once I opened it, we entered his cabin. He locked the door and held my body against his.

This wasn't enough.

I removed his cap and jacket along with my shawl then placed them on a nearby desk and chair.

Moans left my lips, and I shivered as his hands found my breasts. He trailed kisses on my neck and extracted more moans from me. I arched my chest and tilted my head to the side to give him better access.

''Will,'' I whispered, closing my eyes in delight.

My hands slid down his neck, his shoulders and began to unbutton his shirt. He then moved to undo his tie and let it fall on the floor with his shirt. My cheeks flushed, and I looked away. Well, it certainly looked like seafaring had been good to him.

He stared into my eyes, surely searching for doubt. I didn't move as I held his gaze, smiling softly at him. He removed my nightgown and let it fall on the floor with his clothes. Goosebumps appeared on my skin as the cool air of the room hit it.

Not a sound left Will's lips as he stared at me. My cheeks flushed again, and I chewed on my lower lip then looked up at him, not knowing what to say or do. I then took a step closer to him and pulled him into a kiss, instantly melting when our skin entered in contact. One hand caressed his back while the other rubbed the nape of his neck.

Moans left his lips as I tentatively trailed mine down his jawline and his neck. He grabbed my hips and held me close to him, pressing his lips to mine. I moaned into his mouth, pulling him with me towards his bed.

Will must have understood what I wanted because he lifted me from the floor. Gasping in surprise, I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. His hands found my thighs to make sure I didn't fall. He went over to his bed and laid me on it. It was small, barely enough for one person, but I didn't complain.

Our lips found one another again when Will moved to lie on top of me, supporting himself on his forearms. I snaked my arms around his waist and made sure to remember every inch of his skin. Goosebumps formed on it, and his breath hitched. I smiled against his lips, understanding that he enjoyed my touch. Will pulled away, and air left my lungs as I saw a mixture of emotions in his deep blue eyes.

He moved a strand of hair out of my eyes. ''You look beautiful lying there underneath me.''

''I'm sure you've seen many beautiful women.''

''Not as beautiful as you.''

Not knowing what to say to that, I simply shook my head, blushing and offered him a small, quivering smile. Smiling back, he kissed me softly, gently running a hand through my hair. My heart beat fast, and my hands trembled as they went lower, instantly finding what they were looking for.

''Are you sure, Alison?''

''Yes.''

Sensing that he was still worried, I took his sweet face in my hands and stroked his cheeks with my thumbs.

''I want this as much as you do.''

He nodded, and we became two souls into one. I sucked in a sharp breath, hissing lowly.

''Alison, how are you feeling?''

''It hurts...''

''I'm sorry,'' he apologized, placing a kiss on my forehead.

''Don't—Don't be,'' I whispered, clawing his back as I patiently waited for this painful, uncomfortable sensation to disappear. ''We,'' I spoke up, taking a deep breath, ''we can continue.''

We gradually found a rhythm and lost ourselves. My movements were clumsy as I tried to follow him. A loud moan threatened to escape me, and Will crashed his lips to mine to silence me.

I rolled on top of him, and his eyes widened slightly in surprise when he saw me. I slowly gained a steady pace. Groans left his lips, and I grinned in satisfaction. Will smiled back at me and pulled me in for a kiss.

We continued until I found myself laying on my back. He trailed kisses on my neck and bosom. Soft moans and whimpers left my lips, and I intertwined our fingers together. My eyes closed despite my attempts to keep them open. Will was mine, and I was his. We completed each other.

My hands tried to grab something, anything as waves of heat washed over me. What was this? Why did it feel good and so frustrating at the same time? My hands resigned to grab his bedsheet as our movements became urgent. I could feel Will's warm, irregular breath on my skin when he buried his face in the crook of my neck.

Suddenly, my world shattered, and I saw stars as waves of pleasure washed over me. My body shook against him, and my hands found his back. Will met his end not so long after me. One hand caressed the back of his neck as he said my name. He collapsed on top of me, laying his head on my chest. My hand stroked his hair while we both recovered from this intimate moment we had just shared. Silence fell upon his room, broken by our soft, quiet breathing.

''I love you,'' he whispered, pulling me into a kiss.

''I love you too,'' I replied, kissing him back.

He then rolled off me and laid beside me. I snuggled up into his side. One of his hands found my waist and the other laid on top of mine on his chest.

''Will, if this night results in a child, and something happens to you, what would you want me to do?'' I asked, rolling on top of him.

I had to make sure Will wanted to have a family with me. I wanted one, but it wasn't just about me. After all, this night could effectively result in me being pregnant.

''You mean if I was away?'' he asked, looking up at me, and I nodded. ''I'd love to raise a child with you,'' he said, stroking my cheek.

A weight lifted from my shoulders at his answer, and I leaned into his touch.

''What if something happens to you?''

''Alison, I'd want you to still raise the child the best way you know how and marry someone that you love.''

I was probably thinking too much into that, but I needed to know what he wanted me to do with the baby if something did happen to him. At least, I had an idea of what he wanted for our child.

''Alison, why are you so scared of losing me?'' he asked, visibly concerned about me.

''I don't know. I just—I'm just scared. I mean, now that I've found you, I don't want to let you go.''

I squeezed my eyes shut, blushing in embarrassment.

''I'm sorry. I probably sound like an over emotionally dependant woman.''

''No, no, you don't. You're just happy. I'm glad that you are.''

''You're too good for me.'' I sighed, smiling, and kissed him. ''We should get some sleep. You have to be up early tomorrow.''

''That I do.'' He groaned, and I rolled off of him to lay into his side. Sleep easily found us tonight. For the first time in a long time, I had been able to sleep without seeing the _Titanic_ sink into the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I'm such a horrible person, I'm so sorry!**   
>  **It's been ages since I updated this story.**   
>  **No, I didn't abandon it. I can't do that, I enjoy writing this story. Let's just say I had writer's block for a while, and life just got in the way, it's been crazy.**   
>  **Here is the next chapter to apologize for my long absence. I hope you'll enjoy it! :)**

_« You'll never find the right person if you don't let go of the wrong one »_

**Chapter 10**

_April 14th, 1912_

My breathing picked up, and I slowly opened my eyes as the sun rays entered Will's cabin. The fresh air of the room hit my bare skin, and I tightened the covers around me. A smile spread on my lips as I remembered my night with my husband. The other side of the bed was cold, and I immediately understood that Will was on watch.

I noticed a picture of him on his desk. He was on a ship deck dressed in his uniform. The bands around his sleeves indicated that he had obtained a new rank. My smile widened upon seeing my handsome husband standing there looking proud, happy and professional.

Next to the picture, a folded piece of paper with my name on it caught my attention. I picked it up and read it.

_Good morning,_

_I didn't want to wake you up before my shift began. It was too early, and I figured you needed those hours of sleep._

_I hope you slept well, and I apologize for not being with you this morning. I enjoyed our first night together as husband and wife, and I can only hope you did too._

_The only thing I ask of you is to be safe with your family. We both know how Jonathan can be._

_Have a good day my beautiful wife,_

_Will_

Smiling, my cheeks flushed, and my heart pounded in my chest as I finished reading the letter.

Suddenly, nausea overwhelmed me. I leaned back on the pillow, squeezing my eyes shut. When the feeling passed, I picked up my nightgown on Will's chair and slipped it over my head. After closing the door behind me, I made sure no crew member saw me and went over to the mess hall to get a cup of tea.

Sitting at one of the tables, I sipped my drink as my thoughts wandered about how much my life had changed these last few days. The sound of footsteps echoed in the room, and I looked up to see Charles holding a steaming cup. I glared at him and looked back at my drink.

''Good morning, Alison.''

''Good morning,'' I replied dryly, doing my best to stop myself from walking over to him and slapping him.

''I apologize for what happened yesterday.''

''Really?'' I snapped, looking up at him. ''I'm not the only one you need to apologize to.''

''I am aware that my behavior was wrong,'' he cut me off just as harshly, taking a seat in front of me.

''You promised you would help me be free from Jonathan, remember?'' I reminded him, my eyes never leaving his. ''Letting me be happy with Will is the least you can do!''

''I am terribly sorry for ruining your night. I really am. I only acted that way because...'' He trailed off, looking down at the wooden table and back at me. ''I have never loved someone as much as I love you.''

Sighing, I took his hand in mine. I was still mad at him, but I could only imagine how he must have felt. Unrequited love was painful.

''Tell me, if you didn't love Will, would you have chosen me?''

''Yes,'' I replied without hesitating. It was easy to love him. Unfortunately, I wasn't in love with him.

He shook his head and looked away. My heart squeezed painfully at the sight of him suffering because of me.

''Talk to Will. I don't want to be the reason you two aren't friends anymore.''

Charles looked back at me and shook his head, sighing.

''He won't listen to me. He's so stubborn, Alison.''

I shook my head with a small smile, knowing how Will could be.

''Just try for me, please?''

He nodded, placing a gentle kiss on the back of my hand.

''Are we still friends?''

''Yes. I'm still mad at you, though.''

''I'm so sorry for what I did. It wasn't right,'' he mumbled and took a sip of his tea.

''No, but I forgive you.'' I smiled at him.

''You're too kind.'' He sighed.

''You've helped me so much, Lights.''

''How?'' he asked incredulously.

My eyes widened at the uncertainty in his voice. Did he truly believe he didn't help me? How could he think that?

''You...'' I took a deep breath to find the right words. ''You made me realize that my happiness depends on me and me only.''

A small smile spread on his lips upon hearing my words, and I smiled back at him.

Standing up from my chair, I passed by him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

''I must leave you now. Have a good day.''

''You too.'' He placed his hand on mine.

* * *

This afternoon, Mr. Andrews gave the DeWitt Bukater, Cal, Mother, Jonathan and I a tour of the ship. Captain Smith was explaining to us that they had two wheels when a radio operator came with a message.

''Another ice warning, sir. This one is from the _Noordam_.''

''Thank you, Sparks,'' he said, taking the small piece of paper. He put it in his pocket then looked at us and gave us a warm smile. ''Not to worry, it's quite normal for this time of year. In fact, we're speeding up. I've just ordered the last boilers lit.''

I nodded slowly, not convinced that the ice warnings were normal. I still had a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Somehow, I felt a horrible event was going to happen, but I had no idea what it was.

Mr. Andrews scowled at the Captain before dragging us towards the boat deck. Judging by his facial expression, I figured it wasn't a good idea to speed up in a field of ice. It wasn't his place to tell Captain Smith what he should and shouldn't do.

''Mr. Andrews, I did the sum in my head, and with the number of lifeboats times the capacity you mentioned... forgive me, but it seems that there are not enough for everyone aboard.''

''About half, actually. Rose, you miss nothing, do you?'' He smiled. ''In fact, I put in these new type of davits, which can take an extra row of boats here,'' he added, gesturing to the decks. ''But it was thought... by some... that the deck would look to cluttered. So I was over-ruled.''

''Waste of deck space as it is, on an unsinkable ship!'' Cal said, hitting the side of a small white boat with his cane.

_'Yes, they might clutter the ship, but you'll love them when you might need them.'_

''Sleep soundly, young Rose. I have built you a good ship, strong and true. She's all the lifeboat you need.''

Everyone aboard was convinced that the _Titanic_ was unsinkable. Did they truly believe that she was the exception? Everyone, especially the shipbuilder, should know that a ship wasn't unsinkable. I shook my head and followed Mr. Andrews as he dragged us towards the engine room. As I walked, nausea overwhelmed me. Around 2,000 passengers were on the ship. If the lifeboats could take half of them, then around 1,500 passengers would perish...

I then noticed that Rose was nowhere in sight. Where was she? Did she decide to go elsewhere? Was she lost or hurt? Not wanting to get lost, I continued to follow Mr. Andrews, my family and Rose's.

* * *

The usual chatter of passengers filled the first class lounge. As always, I ignored it as I sipped my tea. Ruth was saying to Lucille, the Countess of Rothes and my mother that the invitations for Rose's wedding had to be sent twice and that the bridesmaids' dresses were a color that she hated.

How could Ruth say that? It wasn't her wedding! I squinted my eyes, but didn't say anything. I could shoot a snarky comment at Ruth, but Mother would reprimand me, and I didn't want that.

Rose turned to look at a mother and her daughter seated at a table near us. She was teaching the small child how to behave like a well brought up lady. Sighing, Rose stood up and told her mother and her friends that she wasn't feeling well. I could tell that something was on her mind. Deciding to follow her outside, I told my mother and her friends that I wasn't feeling well either.

Wrapping my shawl around my body, I stopped beside Rose as she leaned on a railing in front of her.

''Something's on your mind. You can tell me.''

She sighed and turned to look at me.

''I had a discussion with Jack this morning. He told me that he wanted to help me get away from Cal and this society.''

''That's... that's very kind of him.''

''Yes, I know.'' She smiled absently, but it quickly faltered. ''He doesn't need to save me.''

''Rose...'' I began, placing a hand on hers. ''Are you certain you'll be fine? With Jack, you looked incredibly happy.''

''With him, I feel like I can just be myself,'' she replied without hesitating.

''You love him, I can tell.'' I grinned, and she smiled back. ''Go find him and tell him that you changed your mind.''

''But—''

''Just go. Do what it takes to be happy,'' I replied, pushing her gently towards the lower decks. Watching her, I shook my head, smiling.

''You'll find him at the bow,'' a familiar Scottish voice said, and I looked up to see who it was.

''Thank you, Mr. Murdoch.'' Rose thanked him and headed in that direction.

''What brings a beautiful lady such as yourself outside?'' he asked me.

I smiled at my husband standing in front of me.

''Will,'' I whispered.

He smiled and made his way over to me. I immediately buried my face in his coat when he wrapped his arms around me.

''I was just helping Rose make a choice,'' I replied to his question, looking up at him.

''About the Dawson lad?''

I nodded, smiling.

''I figured.'' He chuckled. ''Yesterday, I saw the way they looked at each other.''

_'Just like we look at each other.'_

I simply smiled and stood on my tiptoes to place a kiss on Will's lips.

''Are you on watch?'' I asked.

''Not until later tonight,'' he replied.

''Same shift, I hope?''

''Yes, thank god,'' he groaned. ''It's a nightmare waking up so early.''

''Well, it seems like someone was happy to switch shifts,'' I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

Will sighed and shook his head then placed a kiss on my forehead.

''I would have invited you to drink a cup of tea with me, but I believe you have to get ready for dinner.''

''Unfortunately,'' I replied sadly. ''Can I come see you after dinner?''

''Of course. You can even accompany me on my watch.''

''Are you sure? I don't want to distract you.''

''As long as you listen to me, you'll be fine.'' He smiled.

''Will do, my love.'' I smiled back.

''I love you,'' he said, kissing me.

''I love you too.'' I returned his kiss and pulled away to get inside the ship to get ready for dinner with the first class passengers.

* * *

Mother and Jonathan glared at me during dinner. They knew I was seeing someone else. My ex fiancé must have told my mother. By the looks of it, she was furious and disappointed. What did she expect? I had already told her I wasn't going to become Jonathan's wife. I wasn't going to sacrifice my happiness just because my mother wanted me to marry her friend.

Rose was nowhere in sight, and I figured she had decided to spend the evening with Jack. A small smile spread on my lips when I saw that Cal and Ruth were looking rather irritated that she wasn't with them. She was going to free herself from this society, and I was happy that she had decided to put her happiness first.

''It's been a pleasure. I must retire to the smoking room with the other gentlemen.''

A pleasure? Of course! Jonathan was furious that I was married to someone else, not that it was my problem.

''Of course.'' I smiled faintly, turning to look at the other ladies. ''I will retire for the night, the day has been quite long.''

I went to my stateroom to grab a coat then made my way over to the bridge. There was no way I was going to pass the opportunity to see my husband. He had invited me to come after dinner, and I was going to make the best of it.

When I arrived at the bridge, I heard Will and Charles talk together.

''Did you ever find those binoculars for the lookouts?''

''I haven't seen them since Southampton.''

Will made his way over to the edge of the ship.

''Well, I'll be on my rounds. Cheerio,'' Charles said, waving his hand at his superior.

Will looked over his shoulder to see his friend disappear around the corner and turned around to stare at the horizon.

Frowning, I slowly made my way over to Will and placed a hand on his arm.

''You looked troubled. What is it?''

The sailor jumped and looked up to see who it was. A sigh of relief escaped his lips when he saw that it was only his wife.

''We don't have binoculars for the lookouts.''

''And?'' I prodded.

''And we can't see the icebergs in this condition. There's no water breaking at their bases.''

''You thought with binoculars they'd see them better,'' I concluded.

''Yes, but we can't find them.''

''Well, that's a pity.'' I sighed as he dragged me over to the bridge and positioned himself beside the wheelhouse.

I leaned my head on his shoulder as we stared at the horizon, looking out for anything that'd threaten the _Titanic_ from reaching its destination.

After a moment, I told him I was going to retire for the night because I was becoming quite cold. He told me to go get some rest in his cabin. Thanking him, I went there and fell asleep instantly.

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!

Groaning, I woke up, and a chill ran down my spine when I heard the bell ring three times. Grabbing my coat, I rushed outside of Will's cabin to see what was going on.


	11. Chapter 11

_« It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others »_

_April 14th, 1912 - Bridge_

My heart jumped in my chest, and I froze where I was standing outside of the wheelhouse. A large black mass was approaching the _Titanic_ dangerously. My legs were heavy. I couldn't have moved them even if I'd tried. Was the ship going to hit or avoid a collision?

''Iceberg right ahead!'' Mr. Moody said just as Will pushed me aside and appeared in the doorway of the wheelhouse.

''Hard a' starboard!'' both officers shouted.

Images of my nightmare rushed back to me. They involved this ship hitting an iceberg and sinking to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. A chill ran down my spine, and my heart pounded in my chest at the thought of all this coming true.

Without wasting a second, the quartermaster who was on duty turned the wheel to the left. My husband then rushed over to the telegraphs, almost knocking Mr. Moody over. As he sent the order to the engine room, I could hear the younger officer urge the man at the wheel to turn it quickly.

''Hard over!''

''Helm is hard over, sir!''

Will positioned himself beside me to watch the ship turn. My body shook as I looked up at him. There were 2,224 souls on board, and a little bit more than half of them would survive if the ship collided with the iceberg. People would die. With the number of lifeboats, there was no way to save them all. Silently, my husband offered me his hand, and I took it.

_Slow._

_Too slow._

''Is it hard over?'' Will asked desperately over his shoulder.

''It is, yes, sir, hard over!'' Mr. Moody confirmed loudly.

''Come on... come on... turn...''

The _Titanic_ was approaching the iceberg at a high speed, and I knew at that moment that we wouldn't avoid it. The metallic structure shuddered and creaked when the ice entered in contact with it. My husband wrapped his arms around my trembling body as we watched the mountain of ice pass beside us.

''You need to turn right,'' I said, knowing that if they didn't the damage would be worse.

''Hard to port!'' he shouted.

Mr. Moody's voice echoed at the back as he repeated the order.

When the iceberg arrived midsection, Will let go of me and went inside of the wheelhouse. I followed him, not knowing what to do and not wanting to be alone. Should I go tell Mother and Jonathan that we had struck an iceberg?

The captain rushed in the wheelhouse, his tie hanging loosely around his neck.

''What was that, Mr. Murdoch?'' he asked, turning around to look at the first officer.

''An iceberg, sir.'' I could tell every word pained him. ''I put her hard a' starboard and ran the engine full astern, but it was too close. I tried to port around it, but she hit, and I...''

''Close the watertight doors.'' Captain Smith cut Will off, making his way outside of the wheelhouse.

''The doors are closed, sir,'' Will replied, following him.

_We had struck an iceberg._

Somehow, I felt I'd known all along that the _Titanic_ would eventually meet a tragic fate, and that scared me.

''Alison.''

I jumped at the sound of Will's voice and looked up to see him standing in front of me, cupping my face in his hands.

''My love, I need you and your family to go put your lifebelts on.''

''Do you... do you think the ship is going to sink?''

''At the speed we were going...'' He trailed off.

A lump formed in my throat, and I took a deep, shaky breath.

He grabbed my shoulders tightly and stared into my eyes. ''Please, my sweet Alison.''

He was trying not to panic, but judging by the way he was trembling, I could tell that he was scared. Was he afraid of losing me or did he fear for the safety of the passengers? Maybe both?

''Come find me after you've put your lifebelt on.''

''Will...''

My family wouldn't believe me if I told them the _Titanic_ was going to sink. They were convinced that it was the safest ship in the world.

''Alison, promise me you will. I beg you.''

''Yes. Yes, I'll do it.''

He pulled me into a quick, soft kiss before running off. I then ran to go find my family.

* * *

On my way to the first class decks, I ran into Jack and Rose. What were they doing here? I knew that she had been with Jack all evening, but it relieved me to see her safe.

Safe for now.

''Jack and Rose! Did you see the iceberg?'' I asked, stopping in front of them.

''Yes, we were there during the collision,'' Jack answered, and Rose nodded.

''Do you know if the ship is going to sink?'' she asked me, and I could tell that she was confused.

''I was at the bridge when it happened. Will told me that at the speed we were going the ship will sink.''

''How is it possible?'' Jack asked in disbelief.

''If there's one thing my father taught me, it is that no ship is unsinkable,'' I whispered, feeling my heart squeeze painfully at the realization that we were going to lose the greatest ship in the world and a thousand lives in the process. ''Go find Mr. Andrews. I'm sure he'll be of more help. Also go put your lifebelts on. You'll need them.''

''Be safe Alison!'' Jack said as I ran to go find my family.

''You too!'' I replied over my shoulder.

I didn't want to see Mother and Jonathan again, but I knew I had to tell them the gravity of the situation. They had to know what was going on. I didn't care if Jonathan died or not. I just didn't want him in my life anymore. As for my mother... I still loved her. I wanted her to live, I really did. She only wanted what was best for me, and I understood that, but right now I could not forgive her.

I knocked on my mother's stateroom door, and she greeted me with a scowl when she opened it.

''What are you doing here at this hour of the night?'' she asked, narrowing her eyes. ''I'm sure you prefer to be with your sailor of a husband.''

''Now's not the time, Mother,'' I cut her off, pushing her aside and stepping inside of her room. I then went to go get a lifebelt and handed it to her. ''We hit an iceberg. Dress warmly and put your lifebelt on.''

''What is going on, Alison?'' she asked, standing there and staring at me incredulously.

''The ship is going to sink, Mother!'' I replied, shoving the lifebelt in her hands.

''Oh please! The _Titanic_ cannot sink. It is unsinkable, remember?''

''You and I both know that no ship is unsinkable! Father taught us that. Please, do as I said.''

Slowly, reluctantly, she began to dress warmly and put on the lifebelt that I gave her.

''We should go see Jonathan.''

Saying his name made me want to vomit. What was he going to do when he saw me again? Hit me and insult me, perhaps?

We then left her stateroom and went to go find him. On our way, I could feel knots form in my stomach. My heart was beating fast, and my hands were becoming sweaty.

''There you are. You finally decided to come back to me.'' He smirked when he opened the door. ''Tell me, your sailor wasn't who you thought he was.''

''Will is everything I've ever wanted. I was never yours to begin with, Jonathan,'' I replied coldly.

Without warning, his large, strong hand collided with my cheek, and I fell on the floor. Tears threatened to spill, and I raised my hand to my stinging cheek.

''JONATHAN ANDERSON!''

Through blurry eyes, I saw my mother walking quickly over to the blond haired man who was standing there ready to strike me again.

''You will not touch my daughter again!''

She slapped him across the face then went over to me and helped me stand up.

''Are you alright, Alison? Did he hurt you?'' She sounded concerned about me, and I was grateful for that. It didn't change the fact that I was still hurt, angry and frustrated that she had continuously denied his abuse.

''More times than you can count, Mother,'' I snorted bitterly, taking my arm back and standing up.

''I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Alison... Please, forgive me.''

''I can't do that, Mother.''

She covered her mouth with her hand and bit back a sob.

''I could place a lawsuit on the both of you.''

''Why would you do that?'' Mother asked, horrified.

''Your daughter here is obviously married to a man that isn't me,'' he hissed. ''Don't tell me you didn't know! She was promised to me and went behind my back.''

''Can you blame me? You're so disrespectful to me!''

''You were still promised to me. Your reputation will be tarnished for that.''

''I will not let you!'' I yelled.

''Oh, really? How? You don't even have people who believe you!''

''Trust me, I do.''

''We'll see.'' He smirked.

Well, that escalated quickly.

''As for you,'' I added, glaring at him for having hit me and insulted me once more. ''We came to tell you that the ship is going to sink. Dress warmly and put your lifebelt on.''

''I highly doubt that the ship is going to sink.'' He snorted and laughed.

''Don't say I didn't tell you.'' I spat at him, dragging my mother with me outside on the boat deck.

* * *

_April 14th, 1912 – Port side_

When we arrived outside, our skin entered in contact with the cold air, and we pulled our coats tighter around our bodies. I heard a loud familiar voice and immediately recognized Charles. From the looks of it, he was giving instructions to confused and scared passengers who had no idea what was going on.

''Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please!''

The officer was shouting above the noise the tunnels made to make himself heard. Men, women and children gathered around him. They were mostly first class passengers.

''Step this way, please! That's right, come towards me! Thank you.''

I followed the other passengers to wait for our turn to get in a lifeboat. I couldn't do it. Other people deserved a place too. I had to stay and help them.

''Good. For the time being, I shall require only women and children. Gentlemen, please, stay exactly where you are.''

Slowly but surely, women and children began to fill the first lifeboat on the port side. Some women protested, saying that they wanted their men to come with them, and Charles had to intervene.

Stupid protocol. Men deserved places too.

When our turn came, I helped my mother into a lifeboat, but didn't take a seat.

''Alison, get into the boat.''

''No, Mother.'' I shook my head.

''Please, Alison, there's plenty of room for you.''

''I said no,'' I hissed through gritted teeth, stepping back from the lifeboat.

''Yes, Alison,'' Charles said shakily.

I looked up at him, and we stared into each other's eyes for a moment. Despite that he was trying to stay calm, I could tell that he was scared. Tears threatened to spill, and I swallowed hard. I wanted to see this charming and kind sailor again. He had been a source of strength, hope and support for me. I needed him in my life.

Tonight, he had to stay to help passengers find safety in the lifeboats. The sea could claim him and offer him the eternal rest he deserved.

My lips on his one last time was the best goodbye that I could offer him. Without thinking twice, I crashed my lips to his. People gasped, and I ignored them. At that moment, my reputation was the last thing on my mind. The world faded away around us as we stayed that way for a while, lips sealed into a deep, tender kiss. Remembering that we were in the middle of an emergency and that he had duties to attend to, I pulled away and cupped his face in my hands.

''Thank you,'' I whispered, lowering my hands.

''Alison...'' he said breathlessly.

''Where is Will?''

''On the starboard side.''

''Goodbye, Lights,'' I said, running off to go find my husband.


	12. Chapter 12

_« If there is one thing I can promise you, we'll see the light again »_

''Lower away!''

''Alison!''

The lifeboat began to lower when my mother realized that I was staying on board the sinking ship. We might never see each other again. This would probably be the last time that I saw her. As I ran, I could hear her demand for me to come back. Will needed to know that I was alright. He must have been extremely worried about me.

''No, wait!''

As my mother protested, I could hear the sailors continue to lower the boat. Then her cries stopped, and I understood that they had hit the ocean.

I ran into a passenger who wasn't wearing a lifebelt, and I handed mine to them. They needed it more than I did. With a lifebelt, they had a chance to escape the fate of drowning.

''Any more women and children?''

The cold, crisp air of the night hit my pale skin when I arrived on the starboard side. A familiar Scottish accent reached my ears. Following his voice, I arrived in front of three sailors. Two of them were on each side of the davits, ready to lower at any moment while the first officer was giving orders, waiting for passengers to take the empty seats.

''Will!'' I cried, out of breath from all the running.

He whipped his head in my direction, and his eyes lit up when he saw me.

''Alison!''

I wrapped my arms around him, and he pulled me into a tight hug, kissing me softly. People were surely watching, but I didn't care. He was my husband, and he was alright. That was all that mattered.

''Where is your lifebelt?'' He pulled away from me, frowning when he saw that I wasn't wearing any.

''I gave it to someone else.''

''You need one,'' he said, handing me his own. ''Take it.''

I sighed and put on the lifebelt that he was handing me.

''Here, take a seat.''

He took my arms carefully and dragged me over to the small, white lifeboat.

''No, Will. No. I can't leave.''

''Alison!'' He took my shoulders and turned me around to face him. ''There's plenty of room for you. If you stay...'' he trailed off.

I knew what he was going to say because I felt the same way. He didn't need to say a word.

''I have to stay.'' I shook my head quickly, feeling tears threaten to spill. ''Passengers are going to die if we don't help them. I can't go... Notâ€”Not without you.''

Staying would probably end with my death, but I'd rather die with Will than live my life alone.

''Fine,'' he finally said, not wanting to argue with me.

My choice was made, and I wasn't going to change my mind. He quickly regained his composure, remembering that he had passengers to evacuate. The ship was sinking fast.

''Gather as many passengers as possible.''

I went in every direction to ask for more women and children. Some followed and some didn't, preferring to stay together. Some of them didn't understand what I said. For that reason they didn't follow me. Despite that, I tried to make them understand that a lifeboat was awaiting them. Those who had followed me took their places in it.

''Prepare to lower!''

I heard footsteps behind me and turned around to see a woman with two young children.

''Wait! There's a woman and two children.''

''Step this way.''

Will grabbed the woman's arms and helped her carefully. I then went to help her children follow her. Once they were seated, they proceeded to lower the boat, seeing no more passengers who wanted to take a seat. They had plenty of room for more, but no one was coming. They could accept men if it was going to happen again. This way, they'd save more lives.

''Lower away! Left and right together.''

Slowly, carefully, they descended the length of the ship as Will continued to shout orders. Suddenly, cries from below filled the cold air of the night. I stepped forward and glanced down to see the forward part of the boat dip.

''Hold the left side! Right side only. Hold the left side.''

The sailors did as ordered, and it slowly straightened. Cries from passengers stopped when they saw they weren't going to fall overboard.

''Lower away together! Steady, lads!''

Once the boat hit the ocean and Will moved onto the next one, I took him aside and told him that I had to find Rose to make sure that she was alright.

''Promise me you'll get into a boat,'' he said shakily, staring into my eyes.

''Will...''

I didn't plan on jumping into the next one. Actually, I had intended to leave the ship with him, whether it was in a boat or not. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close to me.

''I'll find a way to survive,'' I replied, placing my lips on his. ''Promise me you will, too. I need you in my life.''

''Alison...''

Judging by the tone of his voice, I figured that he had intended to die trying to save passengers. So he wanted me to save myself, but he wasn't going to try to do it? Now wasn't the time to argue. I just needed to know he was going to be alright one way or another.

''Please, Will, I beg you.''

''You are everything to me, Alison.''

''As you are to me.''

I fought back tears and kissed him one last time before running off to the port side. A hard mass stopped me, and I jumped back with a gasp of surprise.

''Oh, Alison! I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you?''

''No, no, I'm alright,'' I replied, recognizing Rose's voice. ''Rose? What are you still doing on the ship?''

''I could ask you the same question.''

''I have to stay with Will. I can't leave him.''

She gave me a sympathetic look, and I figured she had decided to stay for the same reasons as me.

''Where's Jack?''

''He's trapped,'' she replied, making her way over to the entrance of the ship.

''What? But how?'' I asked, following her.

As we walked, confused families were gathering together. If they knew the ship was sinking, there would be a panic. People said their goodbyes as their loved ones climbed into the lifeboats. Passengers were going to die tonight, and there was nothing anyone could do to save them all. If only the White Star Line had agreed to have enough lifeboats, we would have been able to save more of them.

''Cal got him arrested for stealing.''

''That bastard,'' I cussed despite me.

How could he do that? Jack would never have done such a thing. Despite the fact that he was homeless, he was a man who worked hard to get by in life. During the few days Rose and I had grown to know him, we knew Jack wasn't the type of man who'd steal. Then it hit me. Cal was jealous of him because Rose was happier with him.

''I know!'' she exclaimed. ''I need to find him.''

''I'm coming with you,'' I said, attempting to offer her a reassuring smile.

Truthfully, I was scared. My husband and friends might die tonight. I had no idea if I'd ever see them again. This might be my last night on earth. No. I was going to fight, and I was going to survive.

''Thank you.'' Rose wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug, and we ran off into the depth of the ship.

* * *

As we turned left and right, we saw parts of the ship we had never seen before. So much so that my chest began to tighten and my eyes watered. My mind went into overdrive as we tried to find the shipbuilder. We weren't going to find Jack in time to save him. Where was Mr. Andrews when you needed him? He knew the ship like the back of his hand.

Rose shouted his name, and I repeated her words, following her. Suddenly, at the end of a corridor, we saw a figure we'd recognize anywhere. There he was.

''Mr. Andrews! Thank god!''

Relief washed over me as we stopped in front of him.

''Where would the Master at Arms take someone under arrest?'' Rose asked hastily.

''Whatâ€” you have to get to a boat right away.''

''No! We're doing this with or without your help, sir, but without will take longer,'' I replied, not wanting to leave Jack to drown.

The shipbuilder shook his head softly before replying, ''Take the elevator to the very bottom. Go to the left down the crewman passage then go right and left again at the stairs. You'll come to a long corridor.''

We thanked him before running off. Once we reached the elevators, we were stopped by the lift attendant who repeated that they were closed. Rose then had enough and pushed him inside of the elevator with me following her in suit.

''I'm through being polite, god dammit!'' Rose shouted. ''Now take us down.''

''E deck.''

We passed decks until we began to slow down, and I knew that we had reached the desired one. Knots began to form in my stomach and my breathing picked up, wondering if we'd be met with water. Suddenly, a scream escaped my lips as thousands of shards of glass and knives pierced my skin, and I understood that the _Titanic_ was actually going down.

''I'm going back up! I'm going back up!''

''No, no!'' I pushed the lift attendant aside and opened the gates to face the cold sea water.

''Come back!'' he shouted as Rose followed me. ''I'm going back up! I'm going back up!''

We watched him go up the decks, shivering as the freezing water grazed our skin. We then searched around us for the crewman passage, and that was when I saw a corridor with a sign that read ''Crew only''. We followed it and reached a set of stairs.

''Was it right that he said? Or was it left?''

''Oh god, I don't remember...'' I frowned and leaned against the rail to try and think despite the cold water making it difficult. I just wanted to get warm. ''I think he said left,'' I said after a moment.

''I think you're right. Come on, let's go.''

Rose and I began to walk in that direction.

''Jack!'' I yelled, trying to get his attention.

We continued to follow the corridor, trying to find the room where the man was locked. The cold was unbearable. I just wanted to reach the top and get out of this freezing water.

''Rose! Alison!''

We heard him. His voice was faint, but it was there.

''Rose, Alison! I'm in here!''

He continued to shout our names and used his cuffs to make some noise. We then reached his door and opened it. Rose ran over to him and pulled him into a deep kiss.

''I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!''

''That guy, Lovejoy, put it in my pocket,'' Jack said, pulling away from her.

''I know, I know,'' she sobbed.

''Listen, you have to find a spare key, alright? It's a silver one. Start with that cabinet right there.'' He motioned towards it with his hands.

Wanting to help, I began to search in drawers as well as other cabinets. There was no key.

''These are all brass ones!'' Rose said.

''There's no key! There's no key!'' I cried, desperately wanting to free him and leave this god damned place.

''Alright, listen, we're going to have to find some help.''

That was when I remembered that I could use my hairpins to free him. My hair was still up. I had no idea if it would work, but that was all that I could think of.

''Wait!'' I cut him off, taking out one of my pins. ''I have this, but I'm not sure if it will work.''

''It will. Come over here, Alison.''

I didn't have to be told twice and stood beside him.

''Bend it into a small hook,'' he instructed, and I did as told. ''Yes, that's right. Now, stick it into the small lock.''

Again I did as told and began to twist and turn the small wire, shivering as my legs were starting to feel numb from the cold. That was when we heard a click and they opened. We cried in joy as Jack removed them and pulled us into a hug.

''Oh shit, this is cold! Oh shit!'' he gasped as his body entered the water that was now reaching our waists.

''Let's get out of here,'' I said, heading for the door.

As we looked to our left, we could see that water had reached the ceiling. It was the way out. How were we going to get out of here?

''This is the way out.''

''We'll find another way. Come on,'' Jack reassured us, heading for the right, and we followed him.


End file.
